#105

Sometimes things spill...and you don't know when it happened or even how it happened or what caused it, but you still have to clean it up. And sometimes.... that's okay--even if there is no equilibrium between the amount of soup and the size of your paper towel so you end up getting it on your fingers, because, I mean, it's just soup, right?

CORRECT!

#104

Dear-Friend,

I've never been asked by someone to a dance before, so please forgive me if I do some( )thing(s) without a whole lot of tact.

-K

#103

But if I asked you to pray for me, it would be because right now I feel just politely subdued and kind of nothing else.

#102

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and that you all will have a Happy New Year as well.

My dog, Hook, says hi.

and


Please pray for my dad. His dad died on Christmas Eve.

#101 RainyMood.com: Rain makes everything better.

RainyMood.com: Rain makes everything better.

This Is Simply Lovely.

#100

Wow Guys.

One Hundred.

Breathe In Breathe Out.

Everyone goes away, I will stay.
We push and pull and I fall down sometimes.
Cuz there is a light in your eyes, in your eyes, in your eyes.

OH MY GOSH I LOVE THIS SONG.


Anyways. What I came here for...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I called to the Universe to bring him back.
He is the one.
He never returned.
And I met a guy.
And I realized.
The Universe didn't bring him back.
Because he was not the one.

#99

I never considered myself a maniac. But now, I guess everyone has some sort of mania deep inside of them. Mine, personally, is mania of dermatillo. No, that's not armadillo. That's dermatillo.

Derma Greek for skin.

Till Greek for pull.

Mania Greek for madness.

I have a Greek friend...

I'm gonna tell you straight-up, straight-forward, with no candy coating specialties what Dermatillomania means.

Dermatillomania An illness that produces a(n) (only sometimes [in my case]) overwhelming desire to pick, pull, and plow away at his or her own skin.

"Even though they know it's painful, unsightly, and almost impossible to justify."

TRUE DAT.


For me, it's not always painful. And mostly, it's not! But I know it's unsightly...and that it's gross and that I shouldn't be doing it. All the information about Dermatillomania on this post is from a certain website where I also read that we are very good at hiding our disorder.

Yes. It makes me kind of cringe to think that I may have a disorder or illness..but I'm glad I finally looked up this problem to see if it was important enough to other people that it would have a name. And it is important enough, as I have found. People with this problem don't really tell anyone...and...I just now read this a second ago ...

"Dermatillomania sufferers are very private about their condition and rarely talk about it with others, due to embarrassment and the inner fear to be rejected." DUE TO EMBARRASSMENT AND THE INNER FEAR TO BE REJECTED.
THE INNER FEAR TO BE REJECTED. THE INNER FEAR TO BE REJECTED.
THE INNER FEAR TO BE REJECTED.
THE INNER FEAR TO BE REJECTED.
THE INNER FEAR TO BE REJECTED.

oh my gosh THE INNER FEAR TO BE REJECTED.


I also saw this in the outline of the chapters of a book the guy who founded the website wrote/made or something...

"TREATMENT OPTIONS 41

Will Power Does Not Work 41"


WILL POWER DOES NOT WORK
Yup. I figured that one out my self.

Only 1% of the visitors to this site "tried to stop the picking and succeeded"
Out of "trying to stop and succeeding in lessening the amount of damage", "trying to stop and failing", and "not trying to stop".

Anyhow.. I must go. I have homework to do. I think I'll start writing every day about this ...along with my 365 day challenge on The Splurge.

I'd love to get back to posting more on here than tumblr. I owe so much more to blogger/blogspot.com.

Anyways...that website?::

Www.skin pick.com

Thanks so much!

Oh, and btw/P.S. Having a name for my problem is not to lessen the importance of the damage I cause, but rather to make the problem more concrete and real to me so that I am more likely to fix it.

I think I go in the second cateogory. I have noticed that some people grow out of it.

#98

Okay, USUALLY I don't yell at anyone else when I'm writing on my iPad when I'm angry except for my brother. I don't know if that is how it seems on here....buutt...

OH MY GOSH YOU DON'T ALWAYS HAVE TO BE RIGHT JUST SHUT UP WHY DON'T YOU YOU'RE SO ANNOYING

#97

Honestly, I'm trying really hard not to gossip.

But it's kinda hard when I know you are reading this and I'm aiming it exactly at you...

#96

Okay. So it's over halfway through the day and I haven't seen you AT ALL. except passing you once going out of the music building. I mean, I could have given you a hug there, but I didn't.

I'm not trying to ignore you, I just don't want my first answer to be over email, when it could be face to face.

But this is just as good as anything else....and I don't classify it in emailing anyways. It's just as out there as saying it in public, because this IS public. A place does not have to be well-known to be public.

But, yeah, he did. But that was a long time ago. Although time does not lessen the hurt it caused, often, time causes me to wonder if it was really that big of a deal....and why I still dwell on it....and other things.

But yeah. HE did state an opinion in a way that hurt me.

You could have just left it at that, but no. You had to step lower and insult My brother. Call him bipolar too. Do you know how I felt in that situation? Oh, but he knows. Don't worry. :)







I have a problem with guys who insult my brother.
I also have a problem with guys who have been mean to my brother; those that have been mean include his friends and his not-friends, but each person who has every been thoughtlessly or cruelly mean to my brother, has not only been mean once, but multiple times. And it bugs me. You are perfectly nice to me, but not him. Doesn't make sense.






And this, listen to me,

This adds up to A LOT of guys

So guys, if you like me, I expect you not only to respect me, but also respect my brother.
Because if you don't, I have a bit of a problem
A bit of a wedge
With you.

So boys, if you want me to like you, just don't.

#95

Gosh, I love you. Next time I see you, you are getting a hug, just FYI.

#94

When i go back and read some of my posts, especially the personal letter (#1), I can't help but feel that I am kind of overreacting.

....but I always remind myself that, no, you actually feel that way.



Sooooo maybe he was right! Maybe I AM bipolar?

NO! YOU WERE WRONG! YOU WERE SO WRONG!

....I am not simply black and white, but gray and pink and yellow and mixtures of all things (especially through Christ, who strengthens me) odd and beautiful. Odd because you are not used to it, and beautiful because that is what I am.

And why he could not see that, after all that time, I will never know.

GOSH. why am I dwelling so much on certain past events recently? I just can't get over my mistakes....and I don't know how to. It's so embarrassing....I don't even want to tell Dr. S. .....

#93

I tell you the truth. Listen to me.

You cannot expect other people, even-especially-your friends to always do unto you how you would do unto them.

It is not going to happen. If it does, lucky you.

But in general,
It does not happen, especially in certain, extremely specific circumstances.
So save some breath and faith for the things that really matter, like, whether you trust them or not, or whether they are good for you to be around, or, most importantly whether you are taking care of YOURSELF or not.

Your friends are not going to tell you they plan on dating your ex of two years, because they know you are over him. Just because I would do that for a friend, even if I knew they were over him, does not mean my friend will. See? It just does not work like that.

If it does, lucky you.

And, yeah, I recommend you remember when this happens to you that you remember it is not a super big deal...
...but it is okay that it hurts.
Because, in general, it does hurt.

If it does not, you have no idea.

#92

I won't ever lie to you......unless I lie to myself first.

#91

Oh. My. Gosh!

Skyscraper just starts randomly playing (from my playlist, of course) while I'm reading my posts and tags.......

I forgot all about that playlist down there..... ^_^
I love you, past-world-self!!!
<3<3<3

#90

I've been thinking hard....and I guess not.

It's just not my deal. It's yours. And yours.

#89

Is it bad that I don't really care if you break her heart??

#88

Okay, okay, I can't quite get over the fact that I'm going to die one day. ...........

#87

My Lord! My God! Why have you forsaken me?

#86

What to do? What to do?

If I go for 12-13 hours on a bus...to sit on a bench for 1 1/2 hours and am given a 50% chance that we will win....is all of that WORTH it to miss WOWing the last home football game of the season, Mrs. Spiderman's birthday party, AND the Halloween dance? AND possibly getting behind on homework?

But if we win...we'll get a flag...and I want to be there for that. ....

#85

Yeah. This is it.
October 24, 2011
Trenz Pruca
4321 First Street
Anytown, State ZIP

Dears,
Yeah. When you ask me how I feel, no, I don't really feel that good. I feel really bad. I feel really bad about myself. I put myself down a lot. You don't see it at school because ...well I don't know why... But it comes out at home, away from friends. I take it out on my mom, I take it out on my brother, I especially take it out on myself. And then I take it out on dad when he's around. I guess one of my problems is that I imagine and kind of role play what my friends would say to me if they caught me crying...or really sad...or putting myself down. But, see, they never do, and that makes me even worse. It makes me feel worse. It makes me feel worse. I feel awful about myself. I'm angry at myself, and then I forget to do stuff like homework. And then I'm even more angry at myself, and then I take it out on myself more. And I'm so angry at myself. I've always said that I have great self-esteem, but I really don't think I do all the time anymore. I feel like I can't do anything right, or say anything right ...the talking especially with my mom recently. I've always had a great relationship with my mom, but I really don't anymore. I'm really scared of myself. Have you ever had a nightmare that makes you scared of yourself? Well, I've only had this one twice, but it follows me even when I wake up. Because it's right there in my head, it sticks with me until I can find something else to think about. Do you know how hard it is to not focus on something....to concentrate on a bad dream you just had? Or if you just did something wrong too....
And then I get to school and nobody--none of my friends--notices that I feel bad. And that makes me feel like nobody cares. Like none of my friends care. It makes me question...and has made me question for a while....whether my friends are really worth it. Whether my friends really care about me that much. Of course, everyone can't watch out for me all the time, not even my mom can. But I wish someone would. And not be so wrapped up in their own lives. So it makes me question my friends. Whether or not I can really trust people. There's only one friend I've never doubted that I've had (with me at school) for longer than just this year. Well, actually, I've doubted all of you. And theres no use in telling me not to.. It's already too late. But I guess there's hope for the rest of you, although, this isn't exactly about you. It's about me.
I just wish you would see.
I just wish you COULD see without me having to tell you.
And tell me.
I wish you would see. I wish you would tell me.
WHY WON'T YOU??!!
...
Love,
Kitty, Ana, Kelsey, or whatever else I answer to.

But.... WHY WON'T YOU??!!??!!
WHY DON'T YOU?????

Guess I'm just stupid. Guess my head doesn't work right. Looks like I'm book smart...for the most part...but the rest is all just empty. CopiedImage.png

#84

Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.

I just had another tiny panic attack.

#83

Idiot. You wouldn't have the money to buy that stuff if it wasn't for your parents. Idiot.

#82

Today smells like vinegar.

But maybe you just have to man up
and frickin' see past it.

#81

Oh My Gosh I Love This. Quote of the dayze.










"It's never the end of the world. It's


already tomorrow in Australia."




-- Charles M. Schultz










(as submitted by Answerology Member, Equlalaine.)

#80....good night

gooood niiiiiight!!!! i just feel like saying good night to someone. so I'll post this on my blog. So exciting. This is an email to a buddy and I post on my blog. SO COOL!

Love,

kitty

#79

the song of the day. of the moment. kind of relates to what's down below.

By the way, go to your local Borders please, just for me, and just for the people who work there, and buy something!! They're going out of business. And it's not just "them", it's Borders. No more Borders in a few months. No more no more no more!! *wailllls* Going bankrupt. Already gone bankrupt. I can't seem to wrap my head around it. But "100 Years" by Five For Fighting and "Secrets" by OneRepublic are for Borders, right now, to me, and forever. I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that there will be no more Borders in any state, in any country, in any party or part of the world.

I never knew the lyrics to this, but I've been listening to it since I was a baby. Funny that I would grab the lyrics at this moment in times, thinking about these situations.

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind
I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...
I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you’re on your way
Every day's a new day...
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live




(    https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEippz5X7AgXqYpKSO5Qf1UZH8fs-0fzroUCMgowdVyQWYuyX6BXOpyWsEICmuxnQB1HYjbLOJWMxJrSreZdu8-Ti6czURDUJymaQiTBhkkJEgpdxs_v3Sz1BHwu9C8vPDPsD2IBfPTnL4RJ/s1600/Borders_Bookstore_Sign_Logo.jpg   )


(   http://www.savingwithshellie.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/Borders.jpg    )

#78

There's a sort of a storm here. It's not really a storm...and there aren't really clouds. I guess it's just a lot of wind. Like a wind storm. It's here. I was practicing mindful walking for homework from my counselor, and the waves were so choppy outside that it distracted me. So I stopped, like I'm supposed to, I stopped walking, and I noticed how choppy the waves were. Those choppy waves are inside of me. And those choppy waves are still out there. The stronger wind comes and goes, and when it comes, it bangs the high bushes outside my window behind my desk against the window. Whack. Whack. Whack. whissssp. whissssp. That's inside of me, too.

The stronger wind is back. Although I am calmer inside. You can't see the wind. But you can see how the wind affects everything.

You can see how the wind affects the water. You can see how the wind affects the bushes. How the wind affects the trees. How the wind affects the leaves. How the wind affects the grass. How the wind afftects the flag. How the wind affects the flowers.

YOU can't see the wind inside of me. I can't see the wind inside of me. I can see how it affects me, though. And you can too, if you look close enough.

And a bird just flew overhead. It was very pretty. Like a seagull. It's funny how seagulls live around here. We're not anywhere near the sea. Maybe we were wrong...maybe they're not just seagulls.

What is the wind inside of me like? Where did it come from? What is it affecting?? Mostly it's calm.

and the birds are singing now.

Mostly it's calm. Mostly it's easy. Mostly it's not a hard wind. Mostly I don't feel the wind at all. But then a bigger wave comes. And then a bigger gust comes. And it makes me wonder if I should have picked more honors classes for this year. Am I making a mistake? Will this go against me when I go to college? Why am I even thinking about college????!!!! 


the wind starts whistling around the outside of the house. or is it internal? is it the air conditioning?

And I wonder if I should really be doing soccer. And I wonder how the heck am I going to do cross country, soccer, track, AND swimming?? I don't want to do swimming, Coach! I DON'T! And that's that. Look, I have to get this wind out of me because it's messing up with my zen, if you will. It's breaking up into a sort of calamity, not calm-ity, and it's not going to help me this year. My question was NOT should I swim for my school this year or not? My question was: "Can I come to the meetings you might have even if I'm NOT on the swim team at school?" And you STARE at me, like "Who do you think you are? What did you just say? You're NOT going to swim for your school??" And this little part in me that has already imagined a heated conversation/argument with you said somewhere in the back of my head, "NO." "NO., I am NOOOT going to do it. You know why?? Because I still want to be a kid. Because my kid days for lounging around and playing video games and going on the internet seem pretty much over. Because when you hand that signature in for your driver's license--when you get it--you're pretty much giving away part of your innocence, part of your kid-self, or that's what I think is going to happen. When you step into highschool, you're not just a little kid anymore. Academics and sports last throughout the year, even the summer, and if you don't have enough money to go on vacation, you can forget about ever getting a break. So you know what? I just want to give myself a well-deserved break from sports.

and guess what?? tears start forming behind my eyes.

and guess what?? my nose starts stinging.

And guess FRICKIN' WHAT?!?!? NO!!! I. DO. NOT. WANT TO DO. SWIM. TEAM. AT. SCHOOL. I AM NOT DOING IT!!!. I know, I know I know, I'll meet more people. But, geez, I'll be running. And, geez, I'll be robotic-ing (hopefully). And, geez, I'll be playing soccer. And, geez, I'll be WOWing. And, geez, I'll have my sports done for my whole 4 years of high school! But does that mean I'm not going to do sports the next three years? NO. It. does. not. I will do sports all the way through high school. Swimming and running are things that you can do forever. For the rest of your life. This is what I'm doing. This is why I'm doing it. And I know starting soccer will be hard for me. I'm worried about how I'll fit in on the soccer team, you know. I'm really, really worried about it. But I'm going to do it anyways. I've GOT to do it anyways.

....later...this is later much later that I type this. Just saying. I'm going to just go ahead and publish this even though I wasn't "done". It's been sitting here for hours, so it might as well be shared before hours become days. Just wondering about all these things. And now it's calm outside.

all is still.

#77

I just saw a thing that I hung on my curtains back when I was really young that I made in Sunday School. It says "Obey God". And I though...well..How am I supposed to do that if I don't know whether he's there or not?
I do have my doubts...but I still WANT to believe...so...I believe. But I still have doubts. I walk through them though. Slowly...steadily...it's still called walking. ^_^
But there's still that question in the back of my head...

How am I supposed to obey God if I don't know what he wants me to do because he won't tell me??!!

...because I'll know. because you'll know what to do...

#76

   Why does she keep provoking me? Shuddup. shuddup. shuddup.

But she keeps going on. That stupid, frickin' "sweet" voice...the sarcasm. SHUDDUP! Now she's going around the other side of the car. And I'm not trying to control ANYTHING, where the heck did she get that and why does she keep using it on me??? But maybe I am trying to control my belongings, and I tell her. And she comes back with this witty-bla-bla comeback. And I am ENRAGED!!!!!!! She shuts the door behind her and I AM ENRAGED!!!!! Everything races through my head in a blinding flash, I got all my stuff that I wanted to get out of the car, screw you, but not everything, like you said, so screw you. SHE KNEW THIS WOULD MAKE ME ENRAGED!!!!! AND SHE DOES IT ANYWAYS!!!! THE STUPID STUPID FRICKIN' STUPID SCREWY ..... WHATEVER SHE IS OR THINKS SHE IS! She has NO idea.....So I slam open the door,

   "YOU!" escapes from my thoughts and I bang down the hallway. Heavy footsteps shake the room and I am totally oblivious to it. I am like a wild bull seeing a fierce, bloody red. Ready to take it down. It will not kill me. 

   I come around the corner, and of course, she's cowering in a corner--a sure sign of weakness--behind her "protector" oh, she will always protect you, don't worry. She makes stupid faces at me, saying "bring it" "you can't hurt me" "you disgust me" she turns up her nose and wrinkles her forehead and she looks away from me, glaring towards the TV. She gets away with it all. It's so frickin' stupid!! There is nothing for me here! But I AM ENGRAGED!!!!! 

   The "protector" gets on both of us. And starts one of her many lengthy and oh-so ANNOYING, like, pull-your-hair-out-annoying lectures. How it relates to life bla bla bla. How this will help us bla bla bla. How she doesn't bla bla bla care anymore. And SHE leaves and starts walking up the stairs. Next time, you better watch out, because you won't always have somebody to run to and hide behind. 

   You say I had her cowering in a corner? Well, just FYI, she didn't have me anywhere near a cowering corner. But I WAS ENRAGED!!!!!!!!!  

   And that is how I was left, with my arms crossed across my chest, scowling, staring at the old, faded donkey piñata wondering how and WHY the heck I started running like that in the first place. 

#75

Here's my old profile:


I've had 10 pets in my lifetime...or maybe 10 cats...not sure. Obviously, I am abnormal. I am not abnormality; i have a really good friend, and he's really the one who's abnormality (officially).

I am currently in Middle School. Let's Have The Time Of Our Lives!!!
hmm...I would really like to be a writer and vet when I grow up. i like chocolate. hmmm... there was this thing I found once upon a time that I think we can all relate to:

"I like long walks on the beach, reading, and poking things with a stick."...bet anyone can really agree with that. If you can't, tell me.
I've got more than 3 blogs open to the public LOL..(here's a few) .A Splurge Of Abnormality, Jodaina Alaska Taylor, and COWS!!!. the 2nd one is a story I'm writing with a friend or two of mine. all you need to know about the third one is the URL.
so yeah, look around, enjoy. find something you love? let me know.
find something you hate? tell me. I'm all ears...or I try to be...cuz I know how hard it is when no one listens. LOL Love. Peach. Chick Grease. Rock On Foozsh. 3 Words Girls.

Maybe now it'll get gone. :)

#74

Okay. Music is at the veeery bottom!
thanks for reading, watching, and listening in on my life when I need you to!
Love,
Kitty

i wish you enough MUSIC 4life and ftw!!!! (for the win)...yeah...I didn't know what that meant either...and then people thought I was crazy and looked at me like I was crazy. Am I looking at you like you're crazy??? O.o
...i am???

...>.> sorry....<3

#73

So....it wasn't as bad as thought. I did get upset a little again when I confronted oops...bruthah...but...it's okay now. Oh yeah...and...I thought of a maybe-title-for-a-maybe-book

KSM (yeah, I was thinking about the band)
Kiss Samchel 4 Me (not really Samchel...but I won't tell you the real think, you crazy stalker!) (^////^)

about a girl who loves a guy, but can't get close to him for one reason or another

this is NOT about ANYONE that I know. The name just came up from a really close (at the moment, and mentally/emotionally/stuff) person to me.

maybe they met in a "psych ward" not really a "psych ward" but a place like...a rehab sort of thing for teens. Oh, this could be SO GOOD!

Love
Kitty

^_^

part of me wanted to type in a ":)" other half, "Love," and I was thinking ":)" but my body did "Love," in my mind I only saw the "L" until it was too late.

*Location by Freelance Whales*

and I did NOT break what I said !!! Location is not part of my playlist...yet....mwhahaha!

#72

I will not post anymore of the songs on the playlist after this!!

Perfect by Pink

is so much better than the counterpart!!!! sooo glad she made this, I am, said yoda!!!

#71

*sigh*

now I have to go confront him...and mom....

wish me luck!

<3

*Strange by Stacey Clark*

#70

Okay, so my brother was a twerp this morning. Comes into my room, I know it was on mom's doors, but still! Don't be a TWERP! Geez....

So what did he do? He told me to get up, and when I said, "I will when you leave," (which I WAS GOING TO BY THE WAY!) he DIDN'T LEAVE!!!!

*Generator ^ 2nd Floor by Freelance Whales*

But I am being calmed by Freelance Whales...You can probably tell...^_^
I think I'll put my playlist in this blog too. ^_^

So DON'T FIX MY SMILE!!!!! TODAY!!!!! :)

I've cried enough today so I'm not going to get to that point!

Oh yeah, and then he got off the bed--YES HE GOT ON THE BED!!--and stopped being annoying in that light. Then, he went and turned the lights on!! which...are...far...away...from...my...bed....grrrrrrrrrrr!!!

*Quiet by Demi Lovato*

and he turned them off a couple of times, but i was SCREAMING AT HIM AND HE WOULDN'T FRICKIN' TURN THEM OFF!!!!

*sigh* I won't go into backstabbing detail. Or backstabbling detail anyways. I would have gotten on up anyways. I was nice, yes, at first...but there comes a time when it's too early in the morning and I would LOVE to save energy...so I didn't want him controlling my morning...and guess what? He's not. DON'T YOU LOVE THIS??? I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE MY BLOG!!!!

You + this blog + my favorite songs of the moment = HAPPY HAPPY ME!!!!!! :))))))

*We'll Be A Dream by We The Kings feat. Demi Lovato*

annnnnd fyi bruthah? I already got up this morning, HOURS AFTER WE GOT HOME!! (We got home at 1:00am...(went to see an amazing show of fireflies that seems to be VERY hard to find...plus, when you get there, ummm,,, there's more fireflies in my front yard then there! Although...they don't flash like that, so it WAS worth it. I did do another make-up-a-scene...in my head (like what I did with the dude who sat next to me at the theater the other day AKA Will). Maybe I'll post that later. It'll be easy. I didn't write it down...but it's totally in my head.
Anyhoo, like I said, I woke up at 5:50. 6 hours after we arrived at home!!!
SIX HOURS!!!!

And I got up. WITHOUT YOU BRUTHAH WHO I ALMOST PUT YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE NAME ON HERE OOPS!!!! ^/////& (<< that's me with a black eye. Very embarrassed ^//////&. op! there it goes again.... ^////////////////////////^ my un-black-eyed self is very VERY embarrassed)

*Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice*

Okay,,, I have no idea why Ice Ice Baby is one of my right now faves....I guess...It just is...because it just is. Nice beat. I don't listen to the lyrics so much...I AM sorry about the part where he says "girls wearing less than bikinis" SORRY GIRLS!!! I KNOW....KIND OF WEIRD...I AM A GIRL. And TOASTLY NOT INTERESTED IN WEARING LESS THAN A BIKINI...but like I said...I don't pay attention to the lyrics...that part just sticks out... ^////^

Oh yeah, I got up at like, 5:50 and went downstairs to get a cup of water. It is RIGHT HERE ON MY BEDSIDE TABLE TO PROVE IT!!! (not that anyone cares except for you :( sad kitty....)  and then I went to the bathroom. I didn't wake anyone up though. *shrug* Oh well.

"Let's get out of here. Word to your mother."?????WHAAAAAAT?????? that part sticks out too.. ^_^

*Obsessed by Amy Kuney*

OMYGOO!!!! I FOUND THE PERSON WHO SUNG IT BEFORE MILEY CYRUS!!! I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THERE WAS A PERSON!!!!...sorry for the yelling...like...throughout the whole thing...welcome to my world...where "frickin" is as bad as it gets. Okay, on a bad day, it's "crap" but that's like...a really bad thing...and I guess I just couldn't easily fit "crap" into this sitch with my brother. >.> but the point is i didn't right??? right....

Amy Kuney definitely sings it in a erhm...softer way then Miley. But I don't think Miley always sings badly. And no. I didn't go back to sleep. But you DEFINITELY woke me up bruthah. ... ....

*sorry don't wanna listen to *Secrets by OneRepublic*Quiet again*or Ice Ice Baby again*

LISTEN TO WHO SAYS!!!...OKAY I'M PUTTING IT FIRST!!!

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!
I'M SORRY I CALLED YOU A TWERP BRUTHAH BUT THAT'S HOW I FELT!!!


I LOOOOVE YOU READING THIS!!!
THANKS FOR TUNING IN!!!!!!!!
<3
*Who Says by Selena Gomez& (<




I still love you all!!1
LOVE,
MOI!!! ...without being kitty...or anyone else, just me!!!!!

#69. this is really on June 3, 2011

Boys are so stupid...okay...forget that please! Some boys have been and can be so stupid. BOYS ARE NOT STUPID!!!!! ... 

We went and Saw "X-Men: First Class" tonight. We sat down...then...some guys came in and sat down on the four or five seats left in the row to my right. The guy who sat right next to me kind of hesitated before sitting down next to me-- you know how people do that, right? I've done it, you've done it. We're scared and feel awkward (or at least I do) to sit down right next to somebody.

All throughout the movie, and before, I stole glances at this boy when I thought he wasn't looking. For once, I'd found someone...eh...^//////^ [that's me blushing :) ...] cute in a public place that didn't look older than me. He looked about my age!

Imagine...Draco Malfoy. funny, I know. I'm such a Harry Potter luvah. But imagine him, give him regular blonde (not platinum) hair. make it wavy. Widen his face, give his skin a little more color, instead of just pale. I thought of Draco Malfoy even though I know the guy looked nothing like him! And it wasn't because I though think he was is mean. It's because...well...that's the guy who came to my head. But I never NEVER got to see his face clearly. Just right face to face. Just right. I never got to see it just right. I never to see him just right. I never got to see him face to face...directly. I might never in my life again. I might never in my life again have the chance. And I was just too dang shy to look at him when he was looking at me.

It wasn't necessarily that he is cute. It wasn't that I wanted to ask him out. Although the good-looking factor didn't hurt.... >.>

But....I think it was more that I've been in that situation before (but never with a guy) (or at least not in such a strong degree as this). I just wanted to say hi. I just wanted to talk to him. Know his name. Above all, I just wanted to see his face. His whole face. Direct. Face to Face. And I didn't. But...like always, I made up--in my head--a scenario that will never happen except in my dreams.

Plus, it was dark in the movie theater ... so that didn't help anything..

.

<><><and being the girl that I am, I partly ignored it, and decided to see past it. Everyone has good... why waste your mind on the bad??>>

Girl: *looks at the blonde, wavy haired boy sitting to her direct right* 

Boy: *turns head and looks at her* What?

Girl: *puts her head on the back of her neck in an embarrassed gesture/possibly looks down for a second* Sorry. *looks up* I just wanted to see your face. 

Boy: *has a "what?" look on his face* Excuse me? *says in a sarcastic way, not polite, but not being super mean*

Girl: I know. *cracks a smile* Sounds weird doesn't it? I just, I mean...*deep breath and sighs* .. I'm a writer. I write about things I know. And I don't know you, and it seems kind of a shame since I've had all these chances to talk to a random person, but I didn't take them. Just to get to know one more person. 

Boy: So you just wanted to talk to me?? *"what?" look* You're weird.

Girl: *laughs* I know I'm not making sense. 

Boy: Is this your weird way of asking me out?

Girl: *laughs* No, :) I'm not looking for a boyfriend. And I'm not looking for "just some guy" either. I guess I'm kind of looking for knowledge. And new friends. I like new friends. 

Boy: Okayyy...whatever.... *wide-eyed "weird person" look* 

Girl: Hey-- *puts hand on his shoulder/pokes him [maybe]* I'm sorry I made it weird. Maybe we can just start over. Pretend we never talked. 

Boy: *shrugs* Whatever. *"I guess so" look*

<><>

<>

Girl: *pokes boy in the shoulder* Hey. 

Boy: *looks at girl* Hey?

Girl: Ummm...*looks at her feet**then looks up* and puts her hand out to shake the boy's* Hi. What's your name?

Boy: *looks at the girl's hand then looks at the girl and looks at the hand again and pushes/waves the hand away* Okay. This is just too weird. *exasperated&"what?" look* I don't even get why we're doing this.

Girl: *shrugs* Fine. That's perfectly cool with me. *smiles* What's your name?

Boy: [Will]

Girl: Cool. I'm [Kelley].

Boy: Where do you go to school?

Girl: Where do you go to school?

Boy: I asked you first.

Girl: So?

Boy: Ladies first.

Girl: I vouch for ladies second.

Boy: *rolls eyes* Fine. I go to [FarGut]. Now, where do you go to school?

Girl: *grimace/"well..." look* *looks up/deep breath* If I told you, you'd think I'm a rich, snotty brat.

Boy: *either has a "really?" look or says "Really?"**like he doesn't believe her.

Girl: Really, really.

Boy: Well, are you?

Girl: No. ... Well, I'm not rich. And I hope I'm not--I mean--I hope I don't seem like a snotty brat. I don't think I am a snotty brat. *looks at boy's face and laughs-he's not doing anything special, he's just thinking and I'm sure getting a little bored/a little frustrated that she's putting off answering his question* And after all this trouble, you probably won't even care..*laughs*

...*smirks/grimace/"well..." look* I go to [Webbkinz] [School].

Boy: *nods*"okay/whatever look"

Girl: Cool. *smiles* See, there's where a lot of ...well, I guess just a few, ... I don't know very many guys, well, people, outside my school. Just never had the chance, ya know? Anyways, a couple of times, when I've told people that, they flinched and looked away, kind of like they were trying to telapathically say to someone, "Help me, I'm stuck with this annoying [bee] who goes to [Webbkinz School]." I mean, it sucks, you know? People are so stereotypical. ... Well, I know I can be too...but still..it doesn't feel good to be on that end of the stick.
...Sorry I keep babbling. I'm probably boring you out of your mind.

Boy: Well..at least it makes sense... --what you're saying I mean.

Girl: ha. ha. *nice sarcasm* Very funny.

Girl: Soo....*thinks about whether or not to ask how old he is*....what grade are you going into next year?

Boy: [9th]

Girl: Really? Me too.

Boy: How old are you?

Girl: Oh. [14]

Boy: Really? *shrugs*

Girl: How old are you? *looks at him shyly*

Boy: [15]

Girl: Cool. I'll be [15] in [October] What grade are you....?

Boy: [9th]

<><><

Boy: Well. ... I guess I'll see you around.

Girl: Yeah...

Boy: *turns to go*

Girl: Hey! We'll probably see each other. It was... nice to meet you. And talk to you.

Boy: *looks at girl in the kinda squinty "what?" look* So, are you able to write about me now?

Girl: *double-take (cuz she forgot about that)*..Oh! Oh....well..*moves eyes a lot...side to side up, down*  I--I guess so. *smiles*

<>

Girl: Have you seen Pirates of the Caribbean??

Boy: *looks at girl* No.  Have you?

Girl: No. *smiles* Do you plan on seeing it?

Boy: Well,,...I was going to...

Girl: Maybe we'll see each other here. Then.

Boy: Sure. Next week maybe.

Girl: I don't know if I'll be able to come.

Boy: Well..do you want my number?

Girl: *laughs* Sorry! But I hardly know you or who you are. ... Plus, my cell phone gets lost a lot so...I mean, I lose it...but ...-well--...there is one way you could keep in touch. I have..eh...a blog. If you want to tell me something. .. Leave a comment wherever and it'll come to me. And if not. If you don't want to *corrects herself<<* I guess I'll see you around.

Boy: Okay. what's the blog called?

Girl: Do you have a piece of paper...or a pen?

Boy: No.

Girl: oh...okay...maybe your friends have a pen or something. I can get a napkin.

<>

Girl: I'm [Kelley]. Do any of you have a pen..or a p--*thinks better of saying "pencil"* some other sort of writing utensil thing?

<>"Nah." "oh! I've got something!"One of them hands it to her>>

Girl: *smiles sweetly/genuinely at the boy who had a pen* Thanks.

<>

Girl: *grabs a napkin and starts writing on it* *writes "www.asplurgeofabnormality.blogspot.com".*

<>

Girl: *finishes writing and stands up straight and her bro comes over*

Bro: [Kelley]. We gotta go. Mom really wants to go home. *looks at the other guys curiously* And what are you doing? I'm [Daniel]. *he puts out his hand and shakes the other guys' hands*

Girl: I'm giving him my blog...they might come see Pirates of the Caribbean. And maybe we could see them here when they do.

Bro: What's the blog for?

Girl: *laughs* to keep in touch!

Bro: What happened to texting?

Girl: *looks at him with a "really?" look*rolls eyes* Even you can't keep up with your phone. I can't! This is the best way.

Bro: Good point. Just ... don't take all night.

Girl: Okay... *looks at guys* I gotta get their names right. [Will], [name, name, name, name]. Right?

<>

Girl: There it is. *looks at the napkin again before handing it to him* Can you read it?

Boy: *is obnoxious in a nice way by bringing the napkin so close to his face that he's almost touching the napkin and back and forth again* I think so. *lowers the napkin*

Girl: *smiles* Whatever. :) Well I guess we'll see you around.

Boy: Sure. Bye [Kelley]. [Daniel] *nods*.

Bro: [Will], right? Nice to meet you. Lemme see if I can get everyone else's names right. *gets them all right*. Cool.

Girl: Now let's see if I can remember those names until next time! *laughs*

Bro: You're hopeless.

Girl: Gee, thanks. *"gee, thanks" look*

<>

#68

Listen to me!

There’s this field...that used to be wonderful! And green! This field of green green green grass. So lush. 

There was this poll that I took recently. And when it asked what I was looking forward to most this spring...I clicked “running (maybe barefoot) through grassy fields”.

So Listen to me!

There’s this stupid stupid Weigels being built near my home.

Lucky me, I live on a dead-end street.

A dead-end street that no one can build anything but residential stuff on.

Lucky me. 

Not so for the green grassy field that I pass

EVERY. DAY. On the way. to. school.

THAT field used to have cows in it...until a couple years back...or so it seems. Then, the cows moved farther back from the road and into the land. 

Closer to the little old man and little old lady’s little old house that they’ve lived in for their whole entire life together!

and to build a Weigels on THAT field, next to THEIR house!

Listen to me!

I passed that field and a vaguely thought about how I wanted to take a picture of the cows and of the field, especially when they started advertising the Weigels being built there. 

But did I?

No.

There was always more time.

But guess what now?

That field. That green, grassy, wild-flower-dotted field...it’s gone...it’s all been bulldozed away. THIS MORNING! This VERY MORNING it was NOT like that!

I AM SO MAD!!!!

I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT THEY BULLDOZED

ALL. OF. THAT. BEAUTIFUL. LAND!

WHY??? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BUILD A STUPID STUPID WEIGELS ON THAT CORNER?? WHY NOT GO RUIN SOMEBODY ELSE’S CORNER?? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THE HECK YOU ARE DOING???

...but you don’t care...

...go listen to Jessie J. 

FORGET ABOUT THE PRICE TAG! why don’t you?

It’s all for the money.

The convenience. ... Yuck.

The happiness the Weigels will bring. ... Ew. Yeah, while you little kids of the future go get white powdered, processed donuts from Weigels, you won’t be thinking about the beautiful, grassy, field that used to be home to the cows...and always, welcoming the dots and sprays of white and yellow wild flowers in the field.

4/25/11

(**ps. this isn't that grassy field, as I said, I never got a picture of it. I'll try to get the picture of what's left tomorrow, though.  here's the website I got this pic from: http://www.loudounwildlife.org/HHGrassyFields.htm**)

#67

Joe went Home today.




He took the Lord's hand in the beauty of the spring and was resurrected into the Kingdom of God.


Please pray for Joe's family. And his friends. Those who knew him. And those who missed their chances. Also, those who didn't have a chance.

I'm sure they missed out. I'm one of them.

#66

Okay the first part of this I've already posted somewhere. This is my paragraph for Composition where we're working on Voice, bringing in a song that explains us, and writing a paragraph about it:

I love "I Dare You To Move". It makes somewhere between the pit of my stomach and my chest around my heart tingle...it reminds me of when I was depressed. This is definitely something I would have wanted to listen to then. Because it's such a MOVING song. Daring me to move. Daring me to get my butt of the floor in my secluded little world inside my head and maybe dance in the rain. This is a dance in the rain kind of song. Twirl in your best dress like Taylor Swift and just not have a care in the world. Where there is salvation. It makes me want to dare my class, class of 2015 here at school, to move. I know I've said it before, but I really feel like my classmates dared me to move while I was depressed, subconsciously, as they went on with their lives around me, thus pulling me out of my hole with the tide of life. My wish is for them to be dared to move. I know we're not a perfect grade and that people can be really mean. But as a whole, I really do love my classmates. So this song really reaches to me in a way that not many songs do. It's just the push of the rhythm and the motion of the words and the tone of the voice. It makes me dare to move and dare others to move because sometimes moving is just really, really hard. I can't find words enough to explain all my feelings in one paragraph, and I've already stretched my limit on this...but I really want to dare my class, everyone to move. I'm a writer, I'm a singer, I'm a sharer, I'm a lover, I'm a mover. And I want you, if you feel down and out to move too (not just physically, I'm mostly talking about mentally and in your relationships and stuff), because it'll probably make you feel better.

#65

Mona Lisa-Magpie

She looks happy to me.

I always thought people said she looked said.

And then she reminds me of the public school lunch lady...

it seems as if she has a hairnet on to me. 

Who is she smiling at?

Is it me?

It’s like a smirk...

...what she has upon her face...

...it so strikingly resembles those mean school-kids’ looks...

...except without the cruel eyes...

These eyes are soft. And warm. And without too much fire. They don’t burn in the night, but the reach out to me.

What is she looking at?

I wonder if the painter wondered what she was thinking?

Even if she was no model..just imagination...

what was she thinking?

Did he feel self-conscious, as we all do,

“Do I have a milk mustache?”

“Does my face look weird?”

and then it goes to defensiveness

and evasiveness

“Stop smiling at me like that!”

“Wouldja quit?!?”

“You’re really freaking me out!!”

And then...all of a sudden, we’re overreacting.

And it doesn’t even matter that it’s a face of a woman

who may or may not be sad

And it doesn’t even matter that it was drawn

by a famous artist

Do we care?

I suppose not.

By analyzing all this....

....all this that which I have written.

We, must be too wrapped up in our own little thoughts and boundaries and feelings.

No,

‘tis not wrong to have little thoughts

‘tis not wrong to have boundaries (especially as one grows up)

‘tis not wrong to have feelings (they’re what keep you going)

But I got so wrapped up in my writing...

...that I forgot what I was looking at.

And with life,

sometimes it’s fatal,

when we let. that. happen.

4/1/11

#64

Okay. ... So here's a poem I wrote today ...thinking about what I would want to read for our Poem Reading thing in the next week and a half....

From the get-go...I thought it would be cool to do my own piece. I don't think I'll use this one because there are ones I found that I'd rather use for something like this, but I wanted to share this all the same (it's named after one of my internet aliases. the title came last, after (1) the first two lines, in which "spark" came up just because...and after (2) the next part...where I thought of "benevolence" be/cause (LOL totally unnecessary!) and then it all came from that...this...as written originally. capitalization. punctuation. all that jazz.:::


Benevolence Sparks


Dark to light. light to dark.
hence my soul becomes a spark.
benevolence is as benevolence does
to light/extinguish the fire between all of us


4/1/11

****the slash is said: "to light slash extinguish"
****I wasn't going to do that in the first place...I was trying to figure out a way to make it flow...but then, I decided I'd just write "/" so I'd get it down....but then it sounded good! It toastly adds character!!!

2 all u toastly peeps.
Love,
Kitty

#63

Playlist of 3/11/11


Dancing Crazy by Miranda Cosgrove (the music video most specifically LOL cute puppy. nice touch. Dude, that guy is so erhmm...goood lookin'!!^_^! (in the music vid) and she's cute (in a whole different way than the dudeLOL)I like where she flicks her eyes back and forth. that makes me smile. that she just had fun in that music vid. I LOVE IT!)

The Beat Goes On by Beady Eye (I feel like I've heard this somewhere...but I never heard it often. I wouldn't be surprised if it's one of those songs I heard when I was little, listening to B97.5 or something and it never came up again until recently but I absolutely loved it then)

Everywhere by Michelle Branch (A more recent song that I love. But I LOVE IT!! In 7th grade...the spring...I started drawing scenes for this song, representing the love I had just lost. They were actually pretty good...but I still need to finish them. The first is the best so far.)

Barco De Papel by Gustavo Galindo (Why do I have a song in total Spanish, you ask?? Well, because I thought it was pretty, it was free, and it didn't have any cuss words in it (I checked LOL). Plus, since I went to El Salv, I've been totally caught by the fact of Spanish singing. It just flows! It's so amazing! And...it helps on my Spanish in a fun way! ^_^ I Love you my dearest dear San Salvadorian amigos!!)

Dare You To Move (Did anyone ever tell you how amazing Apple is? And iTunes? And how the name "Genius" for the Genius thing on iTunes where it picks stuff you would like according to what you have is SO LEGIT!!??? Well, i just did, cuz it SO IS LEGIT! I heard this song a few days ago and wrote down the lyrics I heard and when I listened to it in my genius recommendations, I almost freaked because it was what I wanted AND it was on the 69 cent songs....hmmm...now idk if it was on both. but Genius is still amazing!)

Überlin by R.E.M. (I almost feel like I've heard this before, but I'm sure it was just the beat and I've heard songs by R.E.M. before. Not the song. But still, very good.)

Holy Holy by Wye Oak (A song I got free on iTunes but haven't listened to the words very closely yet. Haven't looked up the lyrics either. But I like the tune. Different, alternative, but I like that kind of stuff.)

Graduation (Friends Forever) Vitamin C (I totally thought about singing this for the talent show, and now I kind of wish I had for the smallish bear one (sorry, the term smallish bear is from the Brother Bear movies), just warned them that I was sick and didn't have any accompament (sp?) It is totally for all the people leaving next year. I'll probably record myself singing it and put it on YouTube for everyone to see. THIS IS FOR THE CLASS OF 2015 AS OF THE WHOLE OF MIDDLE SCHOOL!!! YOU ROCK AND I WILL MISS Y'ALL (who are leaving) SO MUCH!! THIS IS FOR YOU!!!)

Slide by The Goo Goo Dolls (This was def in Genius Recommendations. And I freaked when I heard this one too! I heard it on the radio around the same day I heard "Dare You To Move", and I wrote down the lyrics I could catch. I had no idea it was called Slide, but I got it once I found it!! Go GENIUS!! AFTER WEBBKINZ THOUGH!! "What you feel is what you are, and what you are is beautiful...I wanna wake up where you are.")

And those are the only songs on my iTunes on my computer right now because my computer crashed. I'll sync my iPod soon, though. I can't believe I seriously just wrote all that about all 9 songs...I love "I Dare You To Move". It makes somewhere between the pit of my stomach and my chest around my heart tingle...it reminds me of when I was depressed. This is definitely something I would have wanted to listen to then. Because it's such a MOVING song. Daring me to move. Daring me to get my butt of the floor in my secluded little world inside my head and maybe dance in the rain. This is a dance in the rain kind of song. Twirl in your best dress like Taylor Swift and just not have a care in the world. Where there is salvation. And just "Laugh Your Heart out. Dance In The Rain. Cherish The Moment. Ignore the Pain. Live, Laugh, Love, Forgive, and Forget. Life is Too Short To Be living With Regrets. I could listen to this song over and over again. ^_^ Maybe it's my song for this year. ....Yeah....welcoming back to the planet, to existence, where everyone is, watching me to make sure I'm okay (those who knew), and wondering what happens next after 8th grade. What happens next after Leelee leaves. What happens next now that I'm out of my depression and in school for the last year of my life in Middle School. It's a fall out. It's a resistance that we don't know we're a part of. Tension...but not so much in my social life...between who I am and who I could be (like wanting to do the ceremony at the tomb of the Unknown Soldiers) between what is and what should be (and not knowing what should be with some ppl and things). Forgiveness...inside myself. Where can I run to when I'm scared of myself? My friends. Just let me breathe as I listen to this song and so many things run through, and move me through my head. This is my year to move! And it has been and will be! To move after my depression and to move for the 7th and 6th graders who look up to us. And to move running. Run. Run. Run. Run to not be numb anymore. Run to feel. This song makes me FEEL and FEEL SO GOOD AFTER I FELL LIKE I DID.
What happens when Bisael comes home. What happens when bro gets mad. What happens when I see certain once-hurting people on stage. So many more things that I could write for a lOOOONG time about this. Welcome me to the planet. Welcome me to the existence. Let me see everyone, because everyone's here. Let me wait for them and watch for them like they did for me, even without knowing it, they did.

CLASS OF 2015, I DARE YOU TO MOVE. LIKE YOU DARED ME TO MOVE WHEN YOU WENT ON WITH YOUR LIVES WHILE I WAS DEPRESSED. YOU KEEP ROCKIN' ON IN THE RAIN, EVEN WHEN YOU'RE GONE, AND MAYBE NOT CLASS OF 2015 OF THIS SCHOOL. YOU JUST KEEP ROCKIN' ROCKIN' ROCKIN' ON. YOU BROUGHT ME BACK FROM EMPTINESS, CHAOS, A SILENT STRUGGLE THAT WAS IN MY EYES FOR THOSE WHO LOOKED CLOSE ENOUGH, AND FOR THOSE WHO DIDN'T. YOU BROUGHT ME BACK FROM A LIVING, BREATHING HELL OF A DARK EMPTY SPACE. THE GRAYNESS OF IT ALL SCARED ME. THE FUZZINESS, UNLIKE A CUDDLY TEDDY BEAR, BUT SO MUCH LIKE AN OLD TV WHEN IT CAN'T PICK UP A SIGNAL. IT MADE EVERYTHING DARK AND DENSE, AND THE WORLD SEEMED TO BE SUFFOCATING ME. I FELT AS IF I WERE UNDER A ROCK. SQUISHED IN A MOIST, RAINY, MUDDY, GRAY AND BROWN AND BLACK HOLE. SOUNDS WERE MUFFLED. I smiled. I had fun. I laughed. I had good days, and not so good days, and awful, heart-breaking, mind-tearing days. YOU ARE MY FALL OUT AND MY RESISTANCE. AND I LOVE YOU FOR THAT. NOW....I...


NOW WE CAN RELAX. NOW WE CAN ALL RELAX TOGETHER.
HERE'S MY WISH TO ALL OF YOU.








I DARE YOU TO MOVE.











(originally: 3/11/11 Friday, 10:10PM)

#62

One last thing....

Here's the count:

60 posts in 365 days.
That's one about every 6 days.
To be exact, one every 6.29310345 days.
If you evened it out.
But as you can see,
that's not how it was.
With long, empty spaces of no voice,
and then voice out of no where in 5 posts in 1 day,
there was nothing average,
there was nothing perfect,
about it all.
There isn't.
And there never will be.
If one day you see that I post every day,
you can look back and see when I didn't,
like,
when I had a life.
^_^
But,
no,
seriously,
I have to go now,
and that's how it always will be.
I can't always talk to you,
but I will for now.
So good night, dear friend.
And I love you.
Especially for listening to me.




AS WE SPEAK
I DARE YOU TO MOVE.

#61

Yup. I missed the anniversary by 3 days. I started/really made this blog exactly one year ago this past Monday.

Mondays

• Manic Mondays
• Everyone Hates Mondays
• But Mondays are days to start Everything Over. 
• Start All Over
• So It's Not So Bad Anymore.
• And it's not.
• Last time I wrote in March, I was woebegone with the sickness of sadness.
• The first time I wrote in March, I was under the rock, in the dark, empty space that song so well reminded me of.
• Now, that song is my theme song for this year.
• Amazing how one song can be perfect for you, even when you're in different states of mind and soul and spirit.
• To-night, I dare you to move. Like today never happened. Today, as in all the bad things. Pick yourself off that dirty floor and reach a hand to the waterfall of the pouring rain outside. Let me hold your hand and we will run into the distance together.
• I will go into the distance in a happy way this time. I will go the distance to feel...not to just be. Not to just be going somewhere. Not to being numb like I was and had been. WE WILL BE OKAY.
• I'TS JUST A MONDAY.
• And I am convinced that the world truly started on a MONDAY.
• So START. On a MONDAY. To BEGIN. EVER DAY after that.

#60

It's been about a year since I made this blog, I bet. But I'll look.
...


Hey, guess what? I'm not going to buy Sky Blue Sky. It's not exactly my type of song. Nice words, yeah. But when they start shrieking and screamin'...that turns me off. Wilco is cool and all...but I love love love One Wing, not Sky Blue Sky. And I'm NOT buying it for him. I'm not buying it, for me.


(Wow. #60. Wow. #59 was just great, wasn't it. Seriously, though, wasn't it?? But this...what a great revelation. To share.)


I thought when I originally wrote this (a minute ago, about) that it was the #51. But it wasn't. It all just flew by too fast for me to understand, and I wasn't paying attention for the longest time anyway.




The thoughts for you to-night:

1) Jane Eyre

2) To Share.

#59

Playlist of The Day. 3/11/11.


Dancing Crazy by Miranda Cosgrove (the music video most specifically LOL cute puppy. nice touch. Dude, that guy is so erhmm...goood lookin'!!^_^! (in the music vid) and she's cute (in a whole different way than the dudeLOL)I like where she flicks her eyes back and forth. that makes me smile. that she just had fun in that music vid. I LOVE IT!)

The Beat Goes On by Beady Eye (I feel like I've heard this somewhere...but I never heard it often. I wouldn't be surprised if it's one of those songs I heard when I was little, listening to B97.5 or something and it never came up again until recently but I absolutely loved it then)

Everywhere by Michelle Branch (A more recent song that I love. But I LOVE IT!! In 7th grade...the spring...I started drawing scenes for this song, representing the love I had just lost. They were actually pretty good...but I still need to finish them. The first is the best so far.)

Barco De Papel by Gustavo Galindo (Why do I have a song in total Spanish, you ask?? Well, because I thought it was pretty, it was free, and it didn't have any cuss words in it (I checked LOL). Plus, since I went to El Salv, I've been totally caught by the fact of Spanish singing. It just flows! It's so amazing! And...it helps on my Spanish in a fun way! ^_^ I Love you my dearest dear San Salvadorian amigos!!)

Dare You To Move (Did anyone ever tell you how amazing Apple is? And iTunes? And how the name "Genius" for the Genius thing on iTunes where it picks stuff you would like according to what you have is SO LEGIT!!??? Well, i just did, cuz it SO IS LEGIT! I heard this song a few days ago and wrote down the lyrics I heard and when I listened to it in my genius recommendations, I almost freaked because it was what I wanted AND it was on the 69 cent songs....hmmm...now idk if it was on both. but Genius is still amazing!)

Überlin by R.E.M. (I almost feel like I've heard this before, but I'm sure it was just the beat and I've heard songs by R.E.M. before. Not the song. But still, very good.)

Holy Holy by Wye Oak (A song I got free on iTunes but haven't listened to the words very closely yet. Haven't looked up the lyrics either. But I like the tune. Different, alternative, but I like that kind of stuff.)

Graduation (Friends Forever) Vitamin C (I totally thought about singing this for the talent show, and now I kind of wish I had for the smallish bear one (sorry, the term smallish bear is from the Brother Bear movies), just warned them that I was sick and didn't have any accompament (sp?) It is totally for all the people leaving next year. I'll probably record myself singing it and put it on YouTube for everyone to see. THIS IS FOR THE CLASS OF 2015 AS OF THE WHOLE OF MIDDLE SCHOOL!!! YOU ROCK AND I WILL MISS Y'ALL (who are leaving) SO MUCH!! THIS IS FOR YOU!!!)

Slide by The Goo Goo Dolls (This was def in Genius Recommendations. And I freaked when I heard this one too! I heard it on the radio around the same day I heard "Dare You To Move", and I wrote down the lyrics I could catch. I had no idea it was called Slide, but I got it once I found it!! Go GENIUS!! AFTER WEBBKINZ THOUGH!! "What you feel is what you are, and what you are is beautiful...I wanna wake up where you are.")

And those are the only songs on my iTunes on my computer right now because my computer crashed. I'll sync my iPod soon, though. I can't believe I seriously just wrote all that about all 9 songs...I love "I Dare You To Move". It makes somewhere between the pit of my stomach and my chest around my heart tingle...it reminds me of when I was depressed. This is definitely something I would have wanted to listen to then. Because it's such a MOVING song. Daring me to move. Daring me to get my butt of the floor in my secluded little world inside my head and maybe dance in the rain. This is a dance in the rain kind of song. Twirl in your best dress like Taylor Swift and just not have a care in the world. Where there is salvation. And just "Laugh Your Heart out. Dance In The Rain. Cherish The Moment. Ignore the Pain. Live, Laugh, Love, Forgive, and Forget. Life is Too Short To Be living With Regrets. I could listen to this song over and over again. ^_^ Maybe it's my song for this year. ....Yeah....welcoming back to the planet, to existence, where everyone is, watching me to make sure I'm okay (those who knew), and wondering what happens next after 8th grade. What happens next after Leelee leaves. What happens next now that I'm out of my depression and in school for the last year of my life in Middle School. It's a fall out. It's a resistance that we don't know we're a part of. Tension...but not so much in my social life...between who I am and who I could be (like wanting to do the ceremony at the tomb of the Unknown Soldiers) between what is and what should be (and not knowing what should be with some ppl and things). Forgiveness...inside myself. Where can I run to when I'm scared of myself? My friends. Just let me breathe as I listen to this song and so many things run through, and move me through my head. This is my year to move! And it has been and will be! To move after my depression and to move for the 7th and 6th graders who look up to us. And to move running. Run. Run. Run. Run to not be numb anymore. Run to feel. This song makes me FEEL and FEEL SO GOOD AFTER I FELL LIKE I DID.
What happens when Bisael comes home. What happens when bro gets mad. What happens when I see certain once-hurting people on stage. So many more things that I could write for a lOOOONG time about this. Welcome me to the planet. Welcome me to the existence. Let me see everyone, because everyone's here. Let me wait for them and watch for them like they did for me, even without knowing it, they did.

CLASS OF 2015, I DARE YOU TO MOVE. LIKE YOU DARED ME TO MOVE WHEN YOU WENT ON WITH YOUR LIVES WHILE I WAS DEPRESSED. YOU KEEP ROCKIN' ON IN THE RAIN, EVEN WHEN YOU'RE GONE, AND MAYBE NOT CLASS OF 2015 OF THIS SCHOOL. YOU JUST KEEP ROCKIN' ROCKIN' ROCKIN' ON. YOU BROUGHT ME BACK FROM EMPTINESS, CHAOS, A SILENT STRUGGLE THAT WAS IN MY EYES FOR THOSE WHO LOOKED CLOSE ENOUGH, AND FOR THOSE WHO DIDN'T. YOU BROUGHT ME BACK FROM A LIVING, BREATHING HELL OF A DARK EMPTY SPACE. THE GRAYNESS OF IT ALL SCARED ME. THE FUZZINESS, UNLIKE A CUDDLY TEDDY BEAR, BUT SO MUCH LIKE AN OLD TV WHEN IT CAN'T PICK UP A SIGNAL. IT MADE EVERYTHING DARK AND DENSE, AND THE WORLD SEEMED TO BE SUFFOCATING ME. I FELT AS IF I WERE UNDER A ROCK. SQUISHED IN A MOIST, RAINY, MUDDY, GRAY AND BROWN AND BLACK HOLE. SOUNDS WERE MUFFLED. I smiled. I had fun. I laughed. I had good days, and not so good days, and awful, heart-breaking, mind-tearing days. YOU ARE MY FALL OUT AND MY RESISTANCE. AND I LOVE YOU FOR THAT. NOW....I...


NOW WE CAN RELAX. NOW WE CAN ALL RELAX TOGETHER.
HERE'S MY WISH TO ALL OF YOU.








I DARE YOU TO MOVE.











3/11/11 Friday, 10:10PM