#219

Tomorrow... I will be going to many doctor's appointments. One for a physical in the early morning, one at the orthodontist, one with my therapist, and onnee with a person to get meds to help with my picking?? I guess that's the place mom is having me go to get meds for my anxiety issues. I, personally, didn't think any anxiety that I have is THAT bad and the thought of having to take medicine for it is just making me MORE anxious than I was before!
Picking my skin is NOT JUST BECAUSE OF ANXIETY. IT IS A HABIT.

UGH.

GETTING MEDS FOR ANXIETY IS NOT GOING TO NECESSARILY KEEP ME FROM PICKING MY SKIN.

My goal was to stop picking.
My goal was not to brainwash my brain to keep myself from picking by the course of drugs.

I don't want to have to use external measures forced down my own throat to quit a habit that I could quit by myself.

I guess I just don't want to be dependent on a substance.
I really, really, really, don't want to be dependent on a substance.

#208

She said (and I quote), "I'm starting to wonder what he would do if I got really mad at him? I'm beginning to think that he would just get confused and walk away instead of staying and fighting for me to stay."

#204

"The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want..."

Shit! I'm supposed to be at Chamber Singers practice.

"He maketh me lie down in green pastures..."

I can't believe I forgot!

"He leadeth me besideth still waters.."

It started a whole freaking hour ago.

"He restoreth my soul..."

I hope they don't get mad at me.

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..."

Okay, I'm not worried about the teachers. But what if I get in trouble with my student leader?

"I will fear no evil..."

That would be an awful way to start out the year. I can't believe I forgot. I'm so stupid.

"For thou art with me..."

But maybe they'll cut me some slack since its only my first practice.

"Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me..."

And I'm only a freshman.

"Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies..."

Oh, but the best conversations with a friend are the ones during which you tell your most personal ways of being. And the ones you can't figure out by yourself, you figure out together.

"Thou anointest my head with oil..."

Because the best thing I want for you is for you to be truly happy and truly you.

"My cup overfloweth..."

However, do remember that you can never do anything to be any more you.

"Surely goodness and mercy will follow me..."

I have to tell you that tomorrow.

"All the days of my life..."

I guess I don't have to, but I want to some day soon.

"And I will live in the house of the Lord forever."

And we'll all be okay, you know.

#188

Okay! Fine! I give in! To myself... :D

I'm going to get my phone out of the car.... -_- :)

In case, on the off chance, he texts me. :/

#173

I don't really feel much like explaining myself about the second year of this whole thing. If you want to know, you can just go looking.

I felt pretty distressed actually. And I don't want any responses to me saying that. At least not on here.
Maybe if I don't know you.
But if I do: keep quiet why don't you? At least on the blog.

Or I did feel pretty distressed. I drew and although it wasn't good it made me feel slightly better. I only do well at art when I'm in a class. It's kind of annoying. I just don't enough tools or instruction to do well otherwise. It sucks.

So screw filming tomorrow. Or at least me being a part of it. Too bad I suppose. Mom says better safe than sorry and I guess mommas know best.

But whatever. Not like it matters anyways.
You will be gone next year and it won't even matter.

#163

Sometimes by the time the end of the day rolls around, I become so annoyed with all my friends around me. They're too loud, they're too huggy, they're too THERE. Not all the time, mind you, but sometimes it all becomes too much and I just feel this constant annoyance with mostly all of you.

Now, that doesn't mean you should stop talking to me at the end of the day or even when I look annoyed if you wouldn't have before. All it means is this is how I feel, but you probably shouldn't change anything that you do. You probably shouldn't change because I still remember that my friends are there for me and only mean the best even when I'm down and out and mad. Even when I don't act the absolute kindest towards them, in the end, they're always there for me, and that's one thing I always remember because of it.

#156

Right now, I HATE IT that even a couple of my friends can come on here and read my blog and that they do.

One was always okay.

Three won't be okay everyday.

This is my place for my most personal thoughts and I can say anything I want to on here, but when you know that people you know are going to read it, that all changes.

I just want to be able to say what I want and not be afraid that any of you are going to see it!

Screw yo

Curses.

...I don't really mean screw you and I didn't. That's why I crossed it out.

..see? If there was no one coming on here I wouldn't freaking CARE if I said screw you and didn't mean it. It wouldn't matter.
I'm going to cry.

#121

Wellllll.... THAT was an interesting day.

Sancheeto is awesome. Chappers(?) is awesome. LLBNO is awesome. And that first dear-friend I mentioned is awesome too (and strong, lemme tell ya ^_^).


GOSH I LOVE MY FRIENDS M

I AM SOOOO GRATEFUL FOR MY FRIENDS.

WOW. I can't believe how blessed I am with all of these people.
Guys, I've given ONLY some of you a special shoutout today (there are so many more. But this is today).
But I love you all and I hope you know that. :)))

And girls, yeah, y'all rock too! We just rockin' rockin' rockin'. And there just ain't no stoppin' lol. :D

----------

What happened was:

1st at lunch...well...one of my friends didn't seem very happy and one was acting weird. And I'm not going to say anymore because (a) it's private, (b) I'm not technically supposed to know, (c) just in case somebody I know finds this, (d) I AM SO NOT GETTING IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS. I'm not even explaining it any more; I had another sentence here but I decided to take it out just in case (I have already said things and hurt people's feelings today and I do NOT WANT this post to bite me in the butt and my relationship with someone later. Love ya!)

2nd I (at least I think this happened second. I was really upset so I can't really remember what happened first but I'm pretty sure. :/) was talking to some people after lunch and I said something and one of my close friends heard me and I think it really hurt his feelings. No. I know it did. And yeah, this was after lunch.


Oh and Ezl0 I hope you feel better. You didn't seem in a mucho happy mood after school either. But of course, I'd get annoyed too if a kindahyper girl was always asking you to carry her books just because she could ;). Sorry about that. ^_^. Maybe I should pay you. You would totally go for that. Maybe then you and Sancheeto would be fighting over who gets to carry my books from my locker to the chairs ... Like not even 30 seconds of walking away. Maybe not even 10 lol.

Okay, who am I kidding, everyone (especially guys?) would gladly be paid to do that. Haha forget I ever said anything because that is SOO NOT happening. <3




*love the way you lie (part II)
*waiting outside the lines
*two worlds collide
*check yes Juliet

#116

Dear Friend,

Dear-friend. Fwiendy fwiend. I'm so lucky to have you, guy friend.

I may need to get out of my habit of dreaming what isn't there. But right now, I have a whole load of faith in you.

I don't think you'll break my heart too soon. I sure hope not.

If you ever see any of this you might think I'm paranoid. I just might be.

Maybe im just scared. I know I am scared. Maybe I'm just and only scared though.

I forgot where I was going with this earlier.

But this is where I went with it now.

Love,
Kitty

But you don't know me by that name.

#115

Boys can be lights, actually.


So if you ever lose faith in them...don't. It's not worth it.

#114

Dear God,

Thank you for cell phones.
I guess that's one way to fall in love.

Love,
Kitty

#112

Okay. Great.

Now I'm really stressed!

what a great way to feel about your first high school dance, right?

You know that picture of an anime girl right at the top of the page?

Yeah, that's what I look like right now.

Only not crying yet.

Yeah, that's what I look like on the inside right now.

Right this second, I wish I could just go back to middle school where I didn't know all these people. Back to 8th grade. When relationships weren't so complicated and scary.

Maybe I just wish Holmes would come back.
That's one thing, definitely.

But not the majority.

#111

I'm sorry, friend, but you just seem to good to be true.

Which makes me sad that you may hurt my feelings at all because it seems that's the last thing you want to do.

#100

Wow Guys.

One Hundred.

Breathe In Breathe Out.

Everyone goes away, I will stay.
We push and pull and I fall down sometimes.
Cuz there is a light in your eyes, in your eyes, in your eyes.

OH MY GOSH I LOVE THIS SONG.


Anyways. What I came here for...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I called to the Universe to bring him back.
He is the one.
He never returned.
And I met a guy.
And I realized.
The Universe didn't bring him back.
Because he was not the one.

#98

Okay, USUALLY I don't yell at anyone else when I'm writing on my iPad when I'm angry except for my brother. I don't know if that is how it seems on here....buutt...

OH MY GOSH YOU DON'T ALWAYS HAVE TO BE RIGHT JUST SHUT UP WHY DON'T YOU YOU'RE SO ANNOYING

#96

Okay. So it's over halfway through the day and I haven't seen you AT ALL. except passing you once going out of the music building. I mean, I could have given you a hug there, but I didn't.

I'm not trying to ignore you, I just don't want my first answer to be over email, when it could be face to face.

But this is just as good as anything else....and I don't classify it in emailing anyways. It's just as out there as saying it in public, because this IS public. A place does not have to be well-known to be public.

But, yeah, he did. But that was a long time ago. Although time does not lessen the hurt it caused, often, time causes me to wonder if it was really that big of a deal....and why I still dwell on it....and other things.

But yeah. HE did state an opinion in a way that hurt me.

You could have just left it at that, but no. You had to step lower and insult My brother. Call him bipolar too. Do you know how I felt in that situation? Oh, but he knows. Don't worry. :)







I have a problem with guys who insult my brother.
I also have a problem with guys who have been mean to my brother; those that have been mean include his friends and his not-friends, but each person who has every been thoughtlessly or cruelly mean to my brother, has not only been mean once, but multiple times. And it bugs me. You are perfectly nice to me, but not him. Doesn't make sense.






And this, listen to me,

This adds up to A LOT of guys

So guys, if you like me, I expect you not only to respect me, but also respect my brother.
Because if you don't, I have a bit of a problem
A bit of a wedge
With you.

So boys, if you want me to like you, just don't.

#93

I tell you the truth. Listen to me.

You cannot expect other people, even-especially-your friends to always do unto you how you would do unto them.

It is not going to happen. If it does, lucky you.

But in general,
It does not happen, especially in certain, extremely specific circumstances.
So save some breath and faith for the things that really matter, like, whether you trust them or not, or whether they are good for you to be around, or, most importantly whether you are taking care of YOURSELF or not.

Your friends are not going to tell you they plan on dating your ex of two years, because they know you are over him. Just because I would do that for a friend, even if I knew they were over him, does not mean my friend will. See? It just does not work like that.

If it does, lucky you.

And, yeah, I recommend you remember when this happens to you that you remember it is not a super big deal...
...but it is okay that it hurts.
Because, in general, it does hurt.

If it does not, you have no idea.