#228

Goodbye, Sir Some Guy.
Thanks for everything.
I grew and learned so much because of you.
Somehow, I think you might have a greater place in my heart of memories than the last guy. Not that he's much competition, but, hey.

Thank you.
So..
Until we meet again
or
To the death, my friend.

#222

Look, my mom has told me to give up on you. My friends have told me I don't deserve you.
What am I supposed to do? Make my own decisions, right?
I just want to know if you're even interested anymore.

#215

I wish The Gent didn't go to bed so early (as in 10-11pm). I wish I wasn't afraid of bothering him by texting him. I wish I could talk to somebody. Ugh, but I CAN I just WON'T. urgh 

#155

From my tumblr (http://hickitty.tumblr.com/post/18344306850/i-dont-think-ill-ever-understand-just-how-much-i-mean ):

I don't think I'll ever understand just how much I mean to people. ....

...


My friends, my followers, my teachers, my boyfriend.

Understanding that stuff from my family is easiest, but how about the rest?

I forget that my boyfriend and my friends believe in me, but then when they tell me it all comes rushing back: wave upon wave returns and I REMEMBER: OH You've said that before. You really mean it, don't you? You really do think I'm strong and you really do think I'm brave and you really do believe in me! I don't know why I forgot so easily, but I did!

And not just you, but others, have said that before! You all really believe in me, don't you?

And then, to my followers and subscribers and visitors .... I will never know how much what I blog and post and reblog will affect you.
Never in a million years, will i understand.

#142

Well of course I left something at home..
(we're on the bus to NYC by the way)
And I left the chargers to my camera AND my phone.
So...if people I usually text get on here
(I HOPE YOU DO!)
I'm leaving my phone off for all of today probably.
It's got three out of four bars. I'll be okay. Hopefully you'll be okay.
I'm sure you will.

Eagle scouts tend to be so.

Have fun with your music and your awesomeness.
For sure the most talented person playing, right?
That's what I thought. :)

#134

DON'T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS IF YOU DO END UP COMING ON HERE AND SEEING WHAT I WROTE.

please don't.

#133

I'm really worried about Saturday.

I'm really worried about my friends. Certain ones. Who seem to care an awful lot about me.

What if they're hurt when they see me with him there a lot?
...like, I don't even know how to bring it up with him.

Maybe I'll be lucky and he'll come on here and see this.

(Yeah guys! Actually I think I only have girls following this but that's okay I meant it generally! I actually have somebody else coming on...occasionally. But occasionally is just as cool. I don't think anyone else besides me comes on an almost daily basis)

But even if he did I'd be reeaaallllyyy embarrassed.
Dontjudgedontjudgedontjudgedontjudge.
Or please do.

Judging is okay sometimes, actually.
True feelings and stuff.
Or if you're ignorant, it might not show viable true feelings and stuff.
But I guess it would still show true feelings and stuff.

But you could also be naive and it wouldn't be as bad.
But I guess. .... Being ignorant about something like that isn't too awful in the first place.

It's just who you are. One cannot help such a thing. Why would you want to change anyways? Why would you want to help yourself not be you? You wouldn't be helping yourself...then you'd just be wasting time. Because you are you are you are you and that's a fact. No changing it. You can be you trying to be someone else, but you are always still you.


...
....
......I love that fact of life. :))

#132

When I see you put yourself out there, I'm almost 100% sure that you mean what you say.
I have put myself out there, in front of you, as you have seen.

...But, somehow, I feel I am more wary of putting myself out there.

YOU aren't a lifeline. I can feel that you can be one sometimes. You can be like one. But you ARE NOT ONE. You are a person with feelings and fears.
A person that I care about a lot, I'll even admit it on here.

Why more wary of putting myself out there in front of you and directed towards you? It's because I ...
It's because it's not official. Anything about or between you and I.
And I don't want to be in a situation where you could possibly turn around and disappear and not be as inclined to say why or how, because it wasn't official in the first place.

I can tell anyone that I care about them.

It's not that I don't trust in you.
Believe me, I do.
But I am a realist after all. Even if being a dreamer comes first, even if being a fighter and a lover and a friendlier all come first.... I can still be realistic. And I am.

But a realist is not all of who I am.
I am just me.
Kitty. Ana. Kelsey.

And this is how I feel.

#128

My heart hurts,,,
And so does my tummy...
And I just really miss you.

#125

I've been okay with it. And I've been accepting of it. But here we go again. There it went again. I just broke another friend's heart. I can't quite believe it as I listen to this song.

Dear-friend,

You were the first dear friend I called dear-friend on here!
That's for a reason! I care about you so much! And I would miss you.

...

:___(

I'm so sorry. I'm so so so so so sorry. I'm so so sos SOS so so so so so so so so so so so sorry!
You trusted me and I let you down.
I hope you will forgive me. I hope we won't grow detached as much as it seems the last one turned out.

I can't quite believe that I've done this again.
I need to wallow in this for a little... I feel... I fell... I feel.. to perfectly and wholely appreciate it.

*Bluebird by Christina Perri*
*with sirens fading in the background*

How the h-e-double hockey sticks does a broken heart get back together when it's torn apart?
How does it do that?
How could I expect you to do that.
How?
How could I expect you to know...
How to teach itself to start ... Beating again?

I know you might have been through something like this before. But that doesn't mean you know. That doesn't mean I would know. Or that anybody else would know.

This little bluebird... Came looking for you. I said that I hadn't seen you in quite some time. But I don't want this to happen.
This little bluebird... She came looking again. Please don't let us ever not be friends. But of course there'd be no reason for me to say she couldn't have you. Don't tell her she can't have you because your heart is set on someone else who won't love you back or can't love you back when you know that deep down inside of you, this bluebird is much better for you than that girl.

Don't you know that I know it was hard?
It was for me.
I know that a part of you died.
But it would have been such a lie if I had said yes.
And in the end we would have ALL cried.

I promise you'll find your little bluebird. Or big as the case may be. Or medium.
And she won't give it a rest. About you. She'll adore you and love you more than any other girl (except your momma) before her.
And for her, you'll be better than all the rest.
And for you, she'll be better than all the rest.
But you being for me as of now? No, no, you've got it all wrong. If I was going to be worth your time that way, I wouldn't be rewriting this song.

And don't you know I know it was hard.
I knew it would be for me too.
And I promise it was, even if it didn't seem that way.
I know that a part of you died.
But it would have been such a lie if I said yes.
And in the end, even more of us would have cried.

How the h-e-double hockey sticks does a broken heart get back together when it's torn apart?
How do you tell yourself and your heart that you have to start keeping on moving on and have to start beating again?
Well, I'm pretty sure it's not that simple.

But what if you don't move on?
What if when she comes over I am all you think about?
And you're thinking about me and I'm taking away from all she wants in you.
And what if it happens again?
What if it had happened before?


How the h-e-double hockey sticks does a broken heart get back together when it's torn apart?
How do you frickin' teach yourself to start beating again?
HOW DO YOU EXPECT YOUR FRIENDS TO START BEATING AND MOVING ON AGAIN AFTER YOU'VE BROKEN THEM? How could I expect....

How the h-e-double hockey sticks does a broken heart get back together when it's torn apart?
Maybe you teach yourself to start beating again because you have to.
You probably do it because you're strong. I know you are strong. You are my friend and I know you are.
You can teach yourself to start beating again.
You will teach yourself to start beating again.
I know you can always, foreve and always, my dear-friend, teach yourself to start beating again.

I believe in you.

And maybe the next little bluebird... Will stop coming around. And not because of me. And not because of you. Just because she beats and moves...
And if you need me, please remember that all you need do is look.
And if I feel that you need a friend, or I need a friend, I know that all I need do is look.

And I'll find you.

#122

Well... Mom is right. It wasn't Holmes fault that I said what I said or felt like the day was sucky.

I'm sorry I said that.

I really, sincerely am. Now I'm going to go write thank you notes to family and a friend. :))

Sorry, Holmes. And I'm sorry if today was stressful for you too. In any way at all. Even if you didn't notice.

#121

Wellllll.... THAT was an interesting day.

Sancheeto is awesome. Chappers(?) is awesome. LLBNO is awesome. And that first dear-friend I mentioned is awesome too (and strong, lemme tell ya ^_^).


GOSH I LOVE MY FRIENDS M

I AM SOOOO GRATEFUL FOR MY FRIENDS.

WOW. I can't believe how blessed I am with all of these people.
Guys, I've given ONLY some of you a special shoutout today (there are so many more. But this is today).
But I love you all and I hope you know that. :)))

And girls, yeah, y'all rock too! We just rockin' rockin' rockin'. And there just ain't no stoppin' lol. :D

----------

What happened was:

1st at lunch...well...one of my friends didn't seem very happy and one was acting weird. And I'm not going to say anymore because (a) it's private, (b) I'm not technically supposed to know, (c) just in case somebody I know finds this, (d) I AM SO NOT GETTING IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS. I'm not even explaining it any more; I had another sentence here but I decided to take it out just in case (I have already said things and hurt people's feelings today and I do NOT WANT this post to bite me in the butt and my relationship with someone later. Love ya!)

2nd I (at least I think this happened second. I was really upset so I can't really remember what happened first but I'm pretty sure. :/) was talking to some people after lunch and I said something and one of my close friends heard me and I think it really hurt his feelings. No. I know it did. And yeah, this was after lunch.


Oh and Ezl0 I hope you feel better. You didn't seem in a mucho happy mood after school either. But of course, I'd get annoyed too if a kindahyper girl was always asking you to carry her books just because she could ;). Sorry about that. ^_^. Maybe I should pay you. You would totally go for that. Maybe then you and Sancheeto would be fighting over who gets to carry my books from my locker to the chairs ... Like not even 30 seconds of walking away. Maybe not even 10 lol.

Okay, who am I kidding, everyone (especially guys?) would gladly be paid to do that. Haha forget I ever said anything because that is SOO NOT happening. <3




*love the way you lie (part II)
*waiting outside the lines
*two worlds collide
*check yes Juliet

#112

Okay. Great.

Now I'm really stressed!

what a great way to feel about your first high school dance, right?

You know that picture of an anime girl right at the top of the page?

Yeah, that's what I look like right now.

Only not crying yet.

Yeah, that's what I look like on the inside right now.

Right this second, I wish I could just go back to middle school where I didn't know all these people. Back to 8th grade. When relationships weren't so complicated and scary.

Maybe I just wish Holmes would come back.
That's one thing, definitely.

But not the majority.

#111

I'm sorry, friend, but you just seem to good to be true.

Which makes me sad that you may hurt my feelings at all because it seems that's the last thing you want to do.

#104

Dear-Friend,

I've never been asked by someone to a dance before, so please forgive me if I do some( )thing(s) without a whole lot of tact.

-K

#94

When i go back and read some of my posts, especially the personal letter (#1), I can't help but feel that I am kind of overreacting.

....but I always remind myself that, no, you actually feel that way.



Sooooo maybe he was right! Maybe I AM bipolar?

NO! YOU WERE WRONG! YOU WERE SO WRONG!

....I am not simply black and white, but gray and pink and yellow and mixtures of all things (especially through Christ, who strengthens me) odd and beautiful. Odd because you are not used to it, and beautiful because that is what I am.

And why he could not see that, after all that time, I will never know.

GOSH. why am I dwelling so much on certain past events recently? I just can't get over my mistakes....and I don't know how to. It's so embarrassing....I don't even want to tell Dr. S. .....

#70

Okay, so my brother was a twerp this morning. Comes into my room, I know it was on mom's doors, but still! Don't be a TWERP! Geez....

So what did he do? He told me to get up, and when I said, "I will when you leave," (which I WAS GOING TO BY THE WAY!) he DIDN'T LEAVE!!!!

*Generator ^ 2nd Floor by Freelance Whales*

But I am being calmed by Freelance Whales...You can probably tell...^_^
I think I'll put my playlist in this blog too. ^_^

So DON'T FIX MY SMILE!!!!! TODAY!!!!! :)

I've cried enough today so I'm not going to get to that point!

Oh yeah, and then he got off the bed--YES HE GOT ON THE BED!!--and stopped being annoying in that light. Then, he went and turned the lights on!! which...are...far...away...from...my...bed....grrrrrrrrrrr!!!

*Quiet by Demi Lovato*

and he turned them off a couple of times, but i was SCREAMING AT HIM AND HE WOULDN'T FRICKIN' TURN THEM OFF!!!!

*sigh* I won't go into backstabbing detail. Or backstabbling detail anyways. I would have gotten on up anyways. I was nice, yes, at first...but there comes a time when it's too early in the morning and I would LOVE to save energy...so I didn't want him controlling my morning...and guess what? He's not. DON'T YOU LOVE THIS??? I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE MY BLOG!!!!

You + this blog + my favorite songs of the moment = HAPPY HAPPY ME!!!!!! :))))))

*We'll Be A Dream by We The Kings feat. Demi Lovato*

annnnnd fyi bruthah? I already got up this morning, HOURS AFTER WE GOT HOME!! (We got home at 1:00am...(went to see an amazing show of fireflies that seems to be VERY hard to find...plus, when you get there, ummm,,, there's more fireflies in my front yard then there! Although...they don't flash like that, so it WAS worth it. I did do another make-up-a-scene...in my head (like what I did with the dude who sat next to me at the theater the other day AKA Will). Maybe I'll post that later. It'll be easy. I didn't write it down...but it's totally in my head.
Anyhoo, like I said, I woke up at 5:50. 6 hours after we arrived at home!!!
SIX HOURS!!!!

And I got up. WITHOUT YOU BRUTHAH WHO I ALMOST PUT YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE NAME ON HERE OOPS!!!! ^/////& (<< that's me with a black eye. Very embarrassed ^//////&. op! there it goes again.... ^////////////////////////^ my un-black-eyed self is very VERY embarrassed)

*Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice*

Okay,,, I have no idea why Ice Ice Baby is one of my right now faves....I guess...It just is...because it just is. Nice beat. I don't listen to the lyrics so much...I AM sorry about the part where he says "girls wearing less than bikinis" SORRY GIRLS!!! I KNOW....KIND OF WEIRD...I AM A GIRL. And TOASTLY NOT INTERESTED IN WEARING LESS THAN A BIKINI...but like I said...I don't pay attention to the lyrics...that part just sticks out... ^////^

Oh yeah, I got up at like, 5:50 and went downstairs to get a cup of water. It is RIGHT HERE ON MY BEDSIDE TABLE TO PROVE IT!!! (not that anyone cares except for you :( sad kitty....)  and then I went to the bathroom. I didn't wake anyone up though. *shrug* Oh well.

"Let's get out of here. Word to your mother."?????WHAAAAAAT?????? that part sticks out too.. ^_^

*Obsessed by Amy Kuney*

OMYGOO!!!! I FOUND THE PERSON WHO SUNG IT BEFORE MILEY CYRUS!!! I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THERE WAS A PERSON!!!!...sorry for the yelling...like...throughout the whole thing...welcome to my world...where "frickin" is as bad as it gets. Okay, on a bad day, it's "crap" but that's like...a really bad thing...and I guess I just couldn't easily fit "crap" into this sitch with my brother. >.> but the point is i didn't right??? right....

Amy Kuney definitely sings it in a erhm...softer way then Miley. But I don't think Miley always sings badly. And no. I didn't go back to sleep. But you DEFINITELY woke me up bruthah. ... ....

*sorry don't wanna listen to *Secrets by OneRepublic*Quiet again*or Ice Ice Baby again*

LISTEN TO WHO SAYS!!!...OKAY I'M PUTTING IT FIRST!!!

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!
I'M SORRY I CALLED YOU A TWERP BRUTHAH BUT THAT'S HOW I FELT!!!


I LOOOOVE YOU READING THIS!!!
THANKS FOR TUNING IN!!!!!!!!
<3
*Who Says by Selena Gomez& (<




I still love you all!!1
LOVE,
MOI!!! ...without being kitty...or anyone else, just me!!!!!