#108

Just a poem I wrote today::

Upon Mouse


How do you know,
when the moon gets this low,
that the day will be simply okay?
Do you pick?
Do you prod?
Through your incompetent nog'?
And decide your decision's all-knowing?
Or do you strain through the strife?
Travel without your night light?
And since you are so mature,
just keep going?
And so then when you stand,
like the other kids do,
but instead see the cold as it's blowing,
do you turn back the time
to an omniscient mind,
thus realizing the tough times must get going?
I feel you mayn't understand,
oh,
just the lesson I planned
to come out my vociferous mouth.
But never don't fear,
for your lesson is here
standing upon cheese
upon cheese
upon mouse.

-January 9, 2012. 4:46 pm.

#99

I never considered myself a maniac. But now, I guess everyone has some sort of mania deep inside of them. Mine, personally, is mania of dermatillo. No, that's not armadillo. That's dermatillo.

Derma Greek for skin.

Till Greek for pull.

Mania Greek for madness.

I have a Greek friend...

I'm gonna tell you straight-up, straight-forward, with no candy coating specialties what Dermatillomania means.

Dermatillomania An illness that produces a(n) (only sometimes [in my case]) overwhelming desire to pick, pull, and plow away at his or her own skin.

"Even though they know it's painful, unsightly, and almost impossible to justify."

TRUE DAT.


For me, it's not always painful. And mostly, it's not! But I know it's unsightly...and that it's gross and that I shouldn't be doing it. All the information about Dermatillomania on this post is from a certain website where I also read that we are very good at hiding our disorder.

Yes. It makes me kind of cringe to think that I may have a disorder or illness..but I'm glad I finally looked up this problem to see if it was important enough to other people that it would have a name. And it is important enough, as I have found. People with this problem don't really tell anyone...and...I just now read this a second ago ...

"Dermatillomania sufferers are very private about their condition and rarely talk about it with others, due to embarrassment and the inner fear to be rejected." DUE TO EMBARRASSMENT AND THE INNER FEAR TO BE REJECTED.
THE INNER FEAR TO BE REJECTED. THE INNER FEAR TO BE REJECTED.
THE INNER FEAR TO BE REJECTED.
THE INNER FEAR TO BE REJECTED.
THE INNER FEAR TO BE REJECTED.

oh my gosh THE INNER FEAR TO BE REJECTED.


I also saw this in the outline of the chapters of a book the guy who founded the website wrote/made or something...

"TREATMENT OPTIONS 41

Will Power Does Not Work 41"


WILL POWER DOES NOT WORK
Yup. I figured that one out my self.

Only 1% of the visitors to this site "tried to stop the picking and succeeded"
Out of "trying to stop and succeeding in lessening the amount of damage", "trying to stop and failing", and "not trying to stop".

Anyhow.. I must go. I have homework to do. I think I'll start writing every day about this ...along with my 365 day challenge on The Splurge.

I'd love to get back to posting more on here than tumblr. I owe so much more to blogger/blogspot.com.

Anyways...that website?::

Www.skin pick.com

Thanks so much!

Oh, and btw/P.S. Having a name for my problem is not to lessen the importance of the damage I cause, but rather to make the problem more concrete and real to me so that I am more likely to fix it.

I think I go in the second cateogory. I have noticed that some people grow out of it.