Saturday, July 30, 2011


Today smells like vinegar.

But maybe you just have to man up
and frickin' see past it.

Saturday, July 23, 2011


Oh My Gosh I Love This. Quote of the dayze.

"It's never the end of the world. It's

already tomorrow in Australia."

-- Charles M. Schultz

(as submitted by Answerology Member, Equlalaine.)

Friday, July 22, 2011

#80....good night

gooood niiiiiight!!!! i just feel like saying good night to someone. so I'll post this on my blog. So exciting. This is an email to a buddy and I post on my blog. SO COOL!

Thursday, July 21, 2011


the song of the day. of the moment. kind of relates to what's down below.

By the way, go to your local Borders please, just for me, and just for the people who work there, and buy something!! They're going out of business. And it's not just "them", it's Borders. No more Borders in a few months. No more no more no more!! *wailllls* Going bankrupt. Already gone bankrupt. I can't seem to wrap my head around it. But "100 Years" by Five For Fighting and "Secrets" by OneRepublic are for Borders, right now, to me, and forever. I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that there will be no more Borders in any state, in any country, in any party or part of the world.

I never knew the lyrics to this, but I've been listening to it since I was a baby. Funny that I would grab the lyrics at this moment in times, thinking about these situations.

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind
I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...
I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you’re on your way
Every day's a new day...
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

(   )

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There's a sort of a storm here. It's not really a storm...and there aren't really clouds. I guess it's just a lot of wind. Like a wind storm. It's here. I was practicing mindful walking for homework from my counselor, and the waves were so choppy outside that it distracted me. So I stopped, like I'm supposed to, I stopped walking, and I noticed how choppy the waves were. Those choppy waves are inside of me. And those choppy waves are still out there. The stronger wind comes and goes, and when it comes, it bangs the high bushes outside my window behind my desk against the window. Whack. Whack. Whack. whissssp. whissssp. That's inside of me, too.

The stronger wind is back. Although I am calmer inside. You can't see the wind. But you can see how the wind affects everything.

You can see how the wind affects the water. You can see how the wind affects the bushes. How the wind affects the trees. How the wind affects the leaves. How the wind affects the grass. How the wind afftects the flag. How the wind affects the flowers.

YOU can't see the wind inside of me. I can't see the wind inside of me. I can see how it affects me, though. And you can too, if you look close enough.

And a bird just flew overhead. It was very pretty. Like a seagull. It's funny how seagulls live around here. We're not anywhere near the sea. Maybe we were wrong...maybe they're not just seagulls.

What is the wind inside of me like? Where did it come from? What is it affecting?? Mostly it's calm.

and the birds are singing now.

Mostly it's calm. Mostly it's easy. Mostly it's not a hard wind. Mostly I don't feel the wind at all. But then a bigger wave comes. And then a bigger gust comes. And it makes me wonder if I should have picked more honors classes for this year. Am I making a mistake? Will this go against me when I go to college? Why am I even thinking about college????!!!! 

the wind starts whistling around the outside of the house. or is it internal? is it the air conditioning?

And I wonder if I should really be doing soccer. And I wonder how the heck am I going to do cross country, soccer, track, AND swimming?? I don't want to do swimming, Coach! I DON'T! And that's that. Look, I have to get this wind out of me because it's messing up with my zen, if you will. It's breaking up into a sort of calamity, not calm-ity, and it's not going to help me this year. My question was NOT should I swim for my school this year or not? My question was: "Can I come to the meetings you might have even if I'm NOT on the swim team at school?" And you STARE at me, like "Who do you think you are? What did you just say? You're NOT going to swim for your school??" And this little part in me that has already imagined a heated conversation/argument with you said somewhere in the back of my head, "NO." "NO., I am NOOOT going to do it. You know why?? Because I still want to be a kid. Because my kid days for lounging around and playing video games and going on the internet seem pretty much over. Because when you hand that signature in for your driver's license--when you get it--you're pretty much giving away part of your innocence, part of your kid-self, or that's what I think is going to happen. When you step into highschool, you're not just a little kid anymore. Academics and sports last throughout the year, even the summer, and if you don't have enough money to go on vacation, you can forget about ever getting a break. So you know what? I just want to give myself a well-deserved break from sports.

and guess what?? tears start forming behind my eyes.

and guess what?? my nose starts stinging.

And guess FRICKIN' WHAT?!?!? NO!!! I. DO. NOT. WANT TO DO. SWIM. TEAM. AT. SCHOOL. I AM NOT DOING IT!!!. I know, I know I know, I'll meet more people. But, geez, I'll be running. And, geez, I'll be robotic-ing (hopefully). And, geez, I'll be playing soccer. And, geez, I'll be WOWing. And, geez, I'll have my sports done for my whole 4 years of high school! But does that mean I'm not going to do sports the next three years? NO. It. does. not. I will do sports all the way through high school. Swimming and running are things that you can do forever. For the rest of your life. This is what I'm doing. This is why I'm doing it. And I know starting soccer will be hard for me. I'm worried about how I'll fit in on the soccer team, you know. I'm really, really worried about it. But I'm going to do it anyways. I've GOT to do it anyways.

....later...this is later much later that I type this. Just saying. I'm going to just go ahead and publish this even though I wasn't "done". It's been sitting here for hours, so it might as well be shared before hours become days. Just wondering about all these things. And now it's calm outside.

all is still.