Thursday, March 8, 2012


Wow. Okay, so I'm going with that I have posted 169 posts from the very beginning.
Obviously, I have not posted every day but I often (as you may know) post more than once a day. Okay... 365 x 2 =...730 days... That means one post every (about) 4.32 days.

Wow. Okay.

I'm gonna follow myself throughout the past two years. ...
Let's go for a ride, guys. ...

Year One. Post One:


Where do I belong?

Do I belong no where?


Can anyone tell me?


I have to find it myself, don't I?

Gee thanks world...

Gee thanks...

Soo... I was pretty much lost. I had just come out of a break up and it was my first ever too. I really liked him! I really, truly did! I loved him. But it didn't work out and you know, it's for the better really. Most things are. And other than that, I was just depressed. A lot of things happened that year that weren't very good and were actually quite life-changing. My dad went to rehab for the first time the previous spring (I know, I know, I've gone through this before soooo much... But some of you haven't been here that long), a good friend of mine would not be coming back to school (and neither would her three brothers) because their dad (who STILL HAS enough freaking money) wouldn't pay for them to go to Webbkinz because it's so expnesive. ..., then my really close friend's mom died (this is a familiar story, right? Riiiight.), and then I broke his heart later in the year after going throu struggles with him and another guy friend (who was the guy that ended up being my boyfriend.), and then it was all happy and then two months later he broke up with me. And SOOO.... I got depressed.
NOO... It's not "I got depressed". It's more like... I BECAME depressed. It just happened. I didn't succumb to it, it happened and I didn't realize anything was so drastically different until a little while in. So, yeah, that's where I was then. I was depressed and looking for answers to questions i didn't have. I was trying to find a place... I was trying to ask questions. I... I don't really know how to explain it. But I will a different day. Just not now because this is already so long... And I have a bio test to study for that I have tomorrow.

Year One. Last Post:


57 minutes left on my computer.
57 posts about my world.
48 minutes now left.
time seems to fly too fast, it's so absurd.
Larry's mother telling me it's so good to see me.
So it must have been God leading me that way.
To pick up the pens, put them back where they belong,
and now I ponder the words that she said.
Because here and now, to now and then, happens every scary second that passes every scary time.
Because soon and when, to when and gone, comes whether you want it to or not.
1 hour, 12 minutes left on my computer.
Only time will tell if we can go all back in time.
1 hour, 10 minutes left on my computer.
Not a very good example of the world, I guess.
Because you can't go back.
You can't change anything.
Accept it Accept it Accept it.
You must.
Or you'll never see the light.
Back to 1 hour, 12 minutes left on my computer.
and now 1 hour, 10 minutes left right afterwards.
It's not right.
It's not fair.
Life doesn't care.
And it can't help it.
'Cause it's time.

--Wow. 2011. It's really really 2011. This will take some getting used to...Even if I don't want to. Because I will. I can't help it. 'Cause it's time.

Okay, so here I wasn't thinking at all about my depression. I had been out of it for... Well over six months. I know this is from January, but that was the last time I posted until the 11th of March. And then I realized around #s 60 and 61 that I had missed the first birthday of my blog. ... I was pretty bummed. But here we are. And I didn't miss it this time, so that's okay.

Here, I was getting used to it being 2011. Now I'm completely used to it being 2012. For the most part anyways ....
And all of these posts were from my laptop...

I'm writing on my iPad right now.

Here, I wasn't talking about my depression or how I felt or anything. I was simply stating facts and my beliefs and talking about and to the general public. This time, I wasn't asking questions. I was giving my word to you. I was being a lot less selfish. Being selfish in the sense I was being isn't necessarily bad, but it's just kinda cool to see how my point of view changed over all that time. It changed a lot over those 365 days. I was now nearing the end of my 8th grade year. We hadn't gone on the DC trip yet.


I will go on to year two tomorrow because I need to study for my bio test. I love this place with all of my heart and am forever grateful to it.

Yeah, that's right, I'm not thanking you, the reader. I'm thanking this PLACE this time.

Thank you, this place. You ARE THE BEST THERAPIST.

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