#99

I never considered myself a maniac. But now, I guess everyone has some sort of mania deep inside of them. Mine, personally, is mania of dermatillo. No, that's not armadillo. That's dermatillo.

Derma Greek for skin.

Till Greek for pull.

Mania Greek for madness.

I have a Greek friend...

I'm gonna tell you straight-up, straight-forward, with no candy coating specialties what Dermatillomania means.

Dermatillomania An illness that produces a(n) (only sometimes [in my case]) overwhelming desire to pick, pull, and plow away at his or her own skin.

"Even though they know it's painful, unsightly, and almost impossible to justify."

TRUE DAT.


For me, it's not always painful. And mostly, it's not! But I know it's unsightly...and that it's gross and that I shouldn't be doing it. All the information about Dermatillomania on this post is from a certain website where I also read that we are very good at hiding our disorder.

Yes. It makes me kind of cringe to think that I may have a disorder or illness..but I'm glad I finally looked up this problem to see if it was important enough to other people that it would have a name. And it is important enough, as I have found. People with this problem don't really tell anyone...and...I just now read this a second ago ...

"Dermatillomania sufferers are very private about their condition and rarely talk about it with others, due to embarrassment and the inner fear to be rejected." DUE TO EMBARRASSMENT AND THE INNER FEAR TO BE REJECTED.
THE INNER FEAR TO BE REJECTED. THE INNER FEAR TO BE REJECTED.
THE INNER FEAR TO BE REJECTED.
THE INNER FEAR TO BE REJECTED.
THE INNER FEAR TO BE REJECTED.

oh my gosh THE INNER FEAR TO BE REJECTED.


I also saw this in the outline of the chapters of a book the guy who founded the website wrote/made or something...

"TREATMENT OPTIONS 41

Will Power Does Not Work 41"


WILL POWER DOES NOT WORK
Yup. I figured that one out my self.

Only 1% of the visitors to this site "tried to stop the picking and succeeded"
Out of "trying to stop and succeeding in lessening the amount of damage", "trying to stop and failing", and "not trying to stop".

Anyhow.. I must go. I have homework to do. I think I'll start writing every day about this ...along with my 365 day challenge on The Splurge.

I'd love to get back to posting more on here than tumblr. I owe so much more to blogger/blogspot.com.

Anyways...that website?::

Www.skin pick.com

Thanks so much!

Oh, and btw/P.S. Having a name for my problem is not to lessen the importance of the damage I cause, but rather to make the problem more concrete and real to me so that I am more likely to fix it.

I think I go in the second cateogory. I have noticed that some people grow out of it.

#98

Okay, USUALLY I don't yell at anyone else when I'm writing on my iPad when I'm angry except for my brother. I don't know if that is how it seems on here....buutt...

OH MY GOSH YOU DON'T ALWAYS HAVE TO BE RIGHT JUST SHUT UP WHY DON'T YOU YOU'RE SO ANNOYING

#97

Honestly, I'm trying really hard not to gossip.

But it's kinda hard when I know you are reading this and I'm aiming it exactly at you...

#96

Okay. So it's over halfway through the day and I haven't seen you AT ALL. except passing you once going out of the music building. I mean, I could have given you a hug there, but I didn't.

I'm not trying to ignore you, I just don't want my first answer to be over email, when it could be face to face.

But this is just as good as anything else....and I don't classify it in emailing anyways. It's just as out there as saying it in public, because this IS public. A place does not have to be well-known to be public.

But, yeah, he did. But that was a long time ago. Although time does not lessen the hurt it caused, often, time causes me to wonder if it was really that big of a deal....and why I still dwell on it....and other things.

But yeah. HE did state an opinion in a way that hurt me.

You could have just left it at that, but no. You had to step lower and insult My brother. Call him bipolar too. Do you know how I felt in that situation? Oh, but he knows. Don't worry. :)







I have a problem with guys who insult my brother.
I also have a problem with guys who have been mean to my brother; those that have been mean include his friends and his not-friends, but each person who has every been thoughtlessly or cruelly mean to my brother, has not only been mean once, but multiple times. And it bugs me. You are perfectly nice to me, but not him. Doesn't make sense.






And this, listen to me,

This adds up to A LOT of guys

So guys, if you like me, I expect you not only to respect me, but also respect my brother.
Because if you don't, I have a bit of a problem
A bit of a wedge
With you.

So boys, if you want me to like you, just don't.

#95

Gosh, I love you. Next time I see you, you are getting a hug, just FYI.

#94

When i go back and read some of my posts, especially the personal letter (#1), I can't help but feel that I am kind of overreacting.

....but I always remind myself that, no, you actually feel that way.



Sooooo maybe he was right! Maybe I AM bipolar?

NO! YOU WERE WRONG! YOU WERE SO WRONG!

....I am not simply black and white, but gray and pink and yellow and mixtures of all things (especially through Christ, who strengthens me) odd and beautiful. Odd because you are not used to it, and beautiful because that is what I am.

And why he could not see that, after all that time, I will never know.

GOSH. why am I dwelling so much on certain past events recently? I just can't get over my mistakes....and I don't know how to. It's so embarrassing....I don't even want to tell Dr. S. .....

#93

I tell you the truth. Listen to me.

You cannot expect other people, even-especially-your friends to always do unto you how you would do unto them.

It is not going to happen. If it does, lucky you.

But in general,
It does not happen, especially in certain, extremely specific circumstances.
So save some breath and faith for the things that really matter, like, whether you trust them or not, or whether they are good for you to be around, or, most importantly whether you are taking care of YOURSELF or not.

Your friends are not going to tell you they plan on dating your ex of two years, because they know you are over him. Just because I would do that for a friend, even if I knew they were over him, does not mean my friend will. See? It just does not work like that.

If it does, lucky you.

And, yeah, I recommend you remember when this happens to you that you remember it is not a super big deal...
...but it is okay that it hurts.
Because, in general, it does hurt.

If it does not, you have no idea.