Monday, May 21, 2012


I'm starting to think I am kind of bipolar.


That's what I desired least for in the world. All this time. Especially in relation to the situation.

I never wanted him to be right.

I'm getting to thinking, does it matter? Does it really, really matter that much whether he was right or not?

I feel bad. I feel bad about this...that everyone else is moved on and others have moved into my life and I've still not moved on from that.

But I just wonder.
However, it also makes me wonder if the people who have moved in dislike, or are possibly turned off by, my wondering.
However, I wonder if my wondering is driving these people away...whether they realize it or not.

What?! Am I going to have a mental breakdown when I turn 45?
Why do I feel all this pain and not feel sad and not get depressed? And why do I feel it in short bursts?
I want to get psychoanalyzed. I know it sounds crazy but I want to know what's going on in my head.
I'm not depressed. At least, I don't think I am.

Why am I giddily happy one minute and mad the next?
Is it my environment--at least partially?--or is it just completely, wholly me?

What's wrong? And is there anything wrong?

Am I just paranoid?
I might be.

Do I think to much?

Am I providing the correct answers for myself?
How the heck should I know?

....that's why I'm asking... D:

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