I'm starting to think I am kind of bipolar.
...
That's what I desired least for in the world. All this time. Especially in relation to the situation.
I never wanted him to be right.
I'm getting to thinking, does it matter? Does it really, really matter that much whether he was right or not?
I feel bad. I feel bad about this...that everyone else is moved on and others have moved into my life and I've still not moved on from that.
But I just wonder.
However, it also makes me wonder if the people who have moved in dislike, or are possibly turned off by, my wondering.
However, I wonder if my wondering is driving these people away...whether they realize it or not.
What?! Am I going to have a mental breakdown when I turn 45?
Why do I feel all this pain and not feel sad and not get depressed? And why do I feel it in short bursts?
I want to get psychoanalyzed. I know it sounds crazy but I want to know what's going on in my head.
I'm not depressed. At least, I don't think I am.
Why am I giddily happy one minute and mad the next?
Is it my environment--at least partially?--or is it just completely, wholly me?
What's wrong? And is there anything wrong?
Am I just paranoid?
I might be.
Do I think to much?
Probably.
Am I providing the correct answers for myself?
How the heck should I know?
....that's why I'm asking... D:
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Trying to figure out exactly where I belong through poems and stories and spiritualness and randomnoid stuff...and maybe some help from the outside...
my list of HOPE
- Also my message that I left for Sir Some Guy, my boyfriend up until today for the past eight months. EIGHT. MONTHS. WOW. I am so proud. I feel so blessed. That was an amazing eight months. Oh my gosh. Oh my goo. All the thanks in the world to my ex for making that such a wonderful relationship. I learned and grew so much. And now I can say that I survived even the most tragic parts as well. (11/6/12)
- The song is Soldiers by Gavin DeGraw (11/6/12)
- My Soldiers. A song I think will keep me going right now during this immediate (and longer-term) post-relationship time for me... My Soldiers, which equals all of my friends, and my God, my faith. Special shout out to Chappers, Lexbri, and Sherlock. (11/6/12. 11:39 pm)
- AudLange. ^_^. Yay. And she likes my poems. Yay. ^_^. (5/15/12)
- Summer (3/28/12). The idea of it...just gives me hope. And mostly the part of being home and not the part of swim...
- It's okay to be depressed. (from #157) (3/6/12)
- That someone will read #162. Someone who has been on here before, be it a person in my direct life or someone I have only met on here. I'm even considering sharing it to people outside my blog. I wonder if they'd know it was me speaking? (3/5/12)
- And that he was so calm and serious, but still smiling and seemingly enjoying himself when we spoke. (2/26/12)
- That Holmes would be a friend and sit next to me in English just because I only wanted him to read my paragraph about Dermatillomania. Not that he's never a friend otherwise, it was just nice to seem him completely calm and serious. (2/17/12)
- Bisael and her drawing. And our conversation last night. Oh my goo. With leafcloud and supercrazygamegeek. That was awesome. We should have another talk like that. I love you all. <3 (2/17/12)
- The grin that I half almost saw on your (Chappers?) face. Hardly gives a hope. But still gives a little. (2/6/12)
- My boyfriend. :DDDD (2/5/12>>since yesterday or the day before I guess...though ^_^)
- When i make a masterpiece. .... .... wow.... (1/26/12)
- Breathe In, Breathe Out by Mat Kearney (1/26/12) and that I'm content and that you are strong and that you will be okay. I know you will there is a light in your eyes. Don't Forget.
- That my first hope of 2012 is who it is. That's awesome. (1/15/12)
- He's...he's...he's like a lifeline. (1/15/12)
- Ojála (29-11-11)
- Because you say, "I care." I have hope. 11/1/11. 7:27 pm
- that my past-world-self is still obvious in my world, , , , TODAY and still TODAY AS YOU READ THIS TODAY. 10/29/11
- Nangeese (sorry, it's my obligation to give everyone a nickname on here. ^_^) and her sister...Judes. 10/26/11
- That A Town would actually pull over getting off the interstate to take me to XC practice so I wouldn't be late. And that it wasn't awkward. 10/26/11
- OMGOO! I KNOW someone who used to attend TAABC school! Seriously? Seriously! That totally makes me happy. I totally wanted to meet a guy from there.
- The All-American Boy Choir. Gosh, they just fascinate me.
- Joe (as in Coach) went with the Lord to Heaven on Easter Sunday. Even though I never knew him, that's still a kind of a sort of a sad hope. 4/24/11
- seeing how far I've come since I started this blog. 3/11/11 (started it on 3/8/10) Please, just go look at the beginning, and you will see how far I have come. Let's see how far we've come. Let's see how far we've come.
- Bob Perks and his little pieces of wisdom that he sends out 3 times a week to those who ask for it
- And realizing the thing below. That's THE best feeling. Or one of them anyway. 11/9/10
- wow. being able to love the person who gouged your heart out the year before. to be able to love that person as a person like you did before everything happened...wow. 11/9/10
- ahhhh. rain.
- Coach Joe's daughter, Claire, and her becoming homecoming queen! <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
- COACH JOE!! <3<3<3<3<3<3<3
- taking your white spartan cap last night and putting it on my head (9/25/10) and the fact that you let me wear it if only for a minute
- MY EVERYTHINGS!!
- my BFFF ... isn't that what you said last night?? (9/25/10)
- Mr. Cake...oh wait,..I said that already
- singing people...even when they're annoying to everyone else
- THE GIVER!! (book & person)
- Gabe in the Giver
- the feeling of hope
- Elphaba's sister
- TOTO!!
- Elphaba
- pretty little movies like THE WIZARD OF OZ
- people who stay happy even when they know their life is going to change drastically, especially when they don't want it to, and ESPECIALLY when they are VERY EXTREMELY loved
- EemeewiiTH (?)/MLee (11/9/10)/Uhuh (11/9/10)
- birdsong in the spring
- sighs
- clean rap
- tears
- comas themselves for they are a second chance at life
- the "We Are The World" music video where you can see how far we've come from all sorts of discrimination and how we ARE the world and there's nothing better than seeing those Haiti kids dancing and sitting and singing and leaping and running and playing and smiling and laughing and healing and growing and you just KNOW that Haitians must be the strongest people on the face of the Earth
- TRC
- people who come out of comas
- The Hill (not the TV show) (a person--a friend--not a great one but still, a friend)
- Mozart's Sonatas
- the whole shebang of "If I Stay"
- Jonas in The Giver
- new born babies
- Mr. Cake
- when, like, six 6th graders pull you into a giant hug as you're going into lunch and Bisael has to come back looking for you (4/13/10)
- the whole "Crazy H" thing @ track (4/14/10)
- That Holmes would be a friend and sit next to me in English just because I only wanted him to read my paragraph about Dermatillomania. Not that he's never a friend otherwise, it was just nice to seem him completely calm and serious. (2/17/12)
- Bisael and her drawing. And our conversation last night. Oh my goo. With leafcloud and supercrazygamegeek. That was awesome. We should have another talk like that. I love you all. <3 (2/17/12)
The music that is of me right now...of my mind and heart and head...well, that's at the bottom. It wouldn't fit in the sidebar. ^_^
The Beginnings And Endings (which are really all beginnings)
Followers
Search This Blog...
About Me
- singkittyle000
- I like the feel of a soft, summer's, grassy field between my toes, the smell of fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies, the smell of buttered popcorn at the movie theater when it does not make me sick, the taste of salt water on my lips, the feel of sand between my teeth, and the warm hug of a friend that you love sooo sooo much. You can Call Me Kitty. Or whatever else you like. It just depends on whether or not I will answer. Hey, der. I've been bottled up excitement 4 the past 2 days. Fingernails = blank. Life = BRILLIANT, LOVEs. And I want you to know me. ALL OF THIS HERE, you who are reading, is me. Even if I do not know you, you may know me better than my closest friends if you pay attention right here.<3
No comments:
Post a Comment