Wow. It's been over a month since I broke up with my boyfriend.
Wow.
It feels kind of like longer.
Wow.
It feels kind of like longer.
Showing posts with label 2012. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2012. Show all posts
Monday, December 17, 2012
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
#228
Goodbye, Sir Some Guy.
Thanks for everything.
I grew and learned so much because of you.
Somehow, I think you might have a greater place in my heart of memories than the last guy. Not that he's much competition, but, hey.
Thank you.
So..
Until we meet again
or
To the death, my friend.
Thanks for everything.
I grew and learned so much because of you.
Somehow, I think you might have a greater place in my heart of memories than the last guy. Not that he's much competition, but, hey.
Thank you.
So..
Until we meet again
or
To the death, my friend.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
#225
After all this time, there you go.
There you go
you have disappeared
and I am left to wonder
and wander
in this gray haze.
Are you gone for good?
Or are you ever coming back?
Am I supposed to wait on you?
Or am I allowed to move forward with my life?
Sir Some Guy, I always loved you. And I still care about you,
But waiting three weeks for you to text or call me back is a bit much.
I would start over for you, but I won't wait forever for you.
If you want to break up, call me. If you don't want to break up, call me. If you don't want to call me, call me. If you're afraid I'll be mad, call me. Just whatever you do, WHY DON'T YOU JUST CALL ME FOR GOODNESS' SAKE LOOK ME UP IN THE PHONEBOOK OR SOMETHING TALK TO YOUR PARENTS IF YOU'RE GROUNDED I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT THERE AND SO I CAN'T SAY ANYTHING TO YOU AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON
I HAVE BEEN MAD AT YOU.
BUT I AM SO STEADILY--SLOWLY, BUT STEADILY--DRIFTING AWAY. BUT I'M NOT EVEN DRIFTING AWAY. I AM STAYING RIGHT HERE I JUST HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA WHERE YOU ARE AND WHETHER YOU'RE COMING BACK OR NOT. DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH THIS SUCKS FOR ME? I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THE ENORMITY OF THIS ISSUE.
YOU DON'T JUST SIT AROUND AND WAIT FOR IT TO FEEL OKAY. AT THIS POINT IT WILL NEVER FEEL OKAY AND WHERE ARE WE THEN? OFFICIALLY IN A RELATIONSHIP BUT TECHNICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY OUT?
WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU AND WHAT AND WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? WHY WOULD YOU EVER DO THIS TO ME? I AM ASHAMED TO TELL MY FRIENDS. I AM SO SO SAD AND DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, BUT MOSTLY DISAPPOINTED. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING. I DON'T EVEN REALIZE IT'S HAPPENING BECAUSE I FORGET ABOUT IT. I ALMOST RATHER YOU WOULD HAVE TEXTED ME AND BROKEN UP WITH ME THAT WAY INSTEAD OF LEAVING ME HANGING OUT HERE NOT KNOWING IF WE'RE BROKEN UP OR IF WE'RE STILL TOGETHER. I DON'T WANT TO BE IN THIS SITUATION.
IT WAS GOING TO BE OKAY. IT WAS GOING TO GET BETTER AND EASIER BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO GET MY LICENSE IN TWO WEEKS BUT ALMOST MY BIGGEST REASON FOR WORKING SO HARD ON THAT WAS YOU AND NOW THAT I CAN'T FIND YOU, IF YOU DON'T COUNT THE 45 MINUTES I DROVE YESTERDAY, MY HOURS OF DRIVING HAVE BEEN AT A STANDSTILL FOR A WEEK AND A HALF.
AND WHEN I HAD MY LICENSE, FOOTBALL SEASON WOULD HAVE BEEN CLOSE TO, IF NOT ALREADY, OVER AND YOU WOULD HAVE HAD MORE TIME AND WE COULD HAVE ACTUALLY GONE AND DONE SOMETHING TOGETHER.
AND IT WAS GOING TO GET BETTER. BUT YOU COULDN'T WAIT ANYMORE COULD YOU?
OR ARE YOU JUST GROUNDED?
OR DID YOU JUST LOSE YOUR PHONE?
THERE IS SUCH THING AS A PHONE BOOK, FOR GOODNESS' SAKE, AND SUCH A THING AS YOUR MEMORY WHERE YOU HAVE MY LAST NAME STORED, AND SUCH A THING AS YOUR MOM'S MEMORY WHERE SHE MAY REMEMBER MY MOM'S NAME OH MY GOSH ARE YOU KIDDING ME.
There are SO many ways I could keep going with this, but for now...I just want you to promise me one thing other than if you see this that you will call me:
Promise me this one thing:
Promise me that you will never, EVER, walk over another girl the way you have walked all over me. Promise me that you'll treat the next girl you date with a little more respect, thankyouverymuch. When you want it to be over, call her and tell her, even if you know you'd both rather do that in person. If you lose your phone or get grounded for eternity (or something similar), promise me that you will try to find any way possible to get back in touch. Don't ever leave your future girlfriend(s) hanging for more than two weeks, even if your plan is to get them out of your life. You treat the girl who sacrificed her embarrassment, insecurities, I'll-just-keep-to-myself-ness, and desires to not get hurt again with more respect than that. She followed your heart for you, and this is how you repay her! She went out on a limb for you and you need to either chop that limb off with her or show her that you're still there. You don't just jump up to another limb or the next tree over. You give her the respect she deserves--the respect anyone deserves--and you don't do anything that would come off as ignoring her for three weeks.
So.. Call me. Call me and tell me what the heck is going on. Let me know if I'll ever see you again. Let me know if you are interested in starting over, because my interest has not completely faded.
I wasn't done with you. I had a few more dreams up my sleeve and pressed to my heart that had to do with you and you know it! You know it so well! On the other hand, if this applies, let me know if we need to saw this limb off the tree! I mean, seriously! Get a grip and take care of your business. I am your business until you saw me off and I am still here, intact and so is that fricking branch. Okay? Are you comprehending this metaphor?
Call me. Just call me call me call me. Don't text the girl: Call the girl. Even if you no longer want to kiss the girl.
And treat the next girl a little better. Thanks.
There you go
you have disappeared
and I am left to wonder
and wander
in this gray haze.
Are you gone for good?
Or are you ever coming back?
Am I supposed to wait on you?
Or am I allowed to move forward with my life?
Sir Some Guy, I always loved you. And I still care about you,
But waiting three weeks for you to text or call me back is a bit much.
I would start over for you, but I won't wait forever for you.
If you want to break up, call me. If you don't want to break up, call me. If you don't want to call me, call me. If you're afraid I'll be mad, call me. Just whatever you do, WHY DON'T YOU JUST CALL ME FOR GOODNESS' SAKE LOOK ME UP IN THE PHONEBOOK OR SOMETHING TALK TO YOUR PARENTS IF YOU'RE GROUNDED I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT THERE AND SO I CAN'T SAY ANYTHING TO YOU AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON
I HAVE BEEN MAD AT YOU.
BUT I AM SO STEADILY--SLOWLY, BUT STEADILY--DRIFTING AWAY. BUT I'M NOT EVEN DRIFTING AWAY. I AM STAYING RIGHT HERE I JUST HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA WHERE YOU ARE AND WHETHER YOU'RE COMING BACK OR NOT. DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH THIS SUCKS FOR ME? I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THE ENORMITY OF THIS ISSUE.
YOU DON'T JUST SIT AROUND AND WAIT FOR IT TO FEEL OKAY. AT THIS POINT IT WILL NEVER FEEL OKAY AND WHERE ARE WE THEN? OFFICIALLY IN A RELATIONSHIP BUT TECHNICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY OUT?
WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU AND WHAT AND WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? WHY WOULD YOU EVER DO THIS TO ME? I AM ASHAMED TO TELL MY FRIENDS. I AM SO SO SAD AND DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, BUT MOSTLY DISAPPOINTED. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING. I DON'T EVEN REALIZE IT'S HAPPENING BECAUSE I FORGET ABOUT IT. I ALMOST RATHER YOU WOULD HAVE TEXTED ME AND BROKEN UP WITH ME THAT WAY INSTEAD OF LEAVING ME HANGING OUT HERE NOT KNOWING IF WE'RE BROKEN UP OR IF WE'RE STILL TOGETHER. I DON'T WANT TO BE IN THIS SITUATION.
IT WAS GOING TO BE OKAY. IT WAS GOING TO GET BETTER AND EASIER BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO GET MY LICENSE IN TWO WEEKS BUT ALMOST MY BIGGEST REASON FOR WORKING SO HARD ON THAT WAS YOU AND NOW THAT I CAN'T FIND YOU, IF YOU DON'T COUNT THE 45 MINUTES I DROVE YESTERDAY, MY HOURS OF DRIVING HAVE BEEN AT A STANDSTILL FOR A WEEK AND A HALF.
AND WHEN I HAD MY LICENSE, FOOTBALL SEASON WOULD HAVE BEEN CLOSE TO, IF NOT ALREADY, OVER AND YOU WOULD HAVE HAD MORE TIME AND WE COULD HAVE ACTUALLY GONE AND DONE SOMETHING TOGETHER.
AND IT WAS GOING TO GET BETTER. BUT YOU COULDN'T WAIT ANYMORE COULD YOU?
OR ARE YOU JUST GROUNDED?
OR DID YOU JUST LOSE YOUR PHONE?
THERE IS SUCH THING AS A PHONE BOOK, FOR GOODNESS' SAKE, AND SUCH A THING AS YOUR MEMORY WHERE YOU HAVE MY LAST NAME STORED, AND SUCH A THING AS YOUR MOM'S MEMORY WHERE SHE MAY REMEMBER MY MOM'S NAME OH MY GOSH ARE YOU KIDDING ME.
There are SO many ways I could keep going with this, but for now...I just want you to promise me one thing other than if you see this that you will call me:
Promise me this one thing:
Promise me that you will never, EVER, walk over another girl the way you have walked all over me. Promise me that you'll treat the next girl you date with a little more respect, thankyouverymuch. When you want it to be over, call her and tell her, even if you know you'd both rather do that in person. If you lose your phone or get grounded for eternity (or something similar), promise me that you will try to find any way possible to get back in touch. Don't ever leave your future girlfriend(s) hanging for more than two weeks, even if your plan is to get them out of your life. You treat the girl who sacrificed her embarrassment, insecurities, I'll-just-keep-to-myself-ness, and desires to not get hurt again with more respect than that. She followed your heart for you, and this is how you repay her! She went out on a limb for you and you need to either chop that limb off with her or show her that you're still there. You don't just jump up to another limb or the next tree over. You give her the respect she deserves--the respect anyone deserves--and you don't do anything that would come off as ignoring her for three weeks.
So.. Call me. Call me and tell me what the heck is going on. Let me know if I'll ever see you again. Let me know if you are interested in starting over, because my interest has not completely faded.
I wasn't done with you. I had a few more dreams up my sleeve and pressed to my heart that had to do with you and you know it! You know it so well! On the other hand, if this applies, let me know if we need to saw this limb off the tree! I mean, seriously! Get a grip and take care of your business. I am your business until you saw me off and I am still here, intact and so is that fricking branch. Okay? Are you comprehending this metaphor?
Call me. Just call me call me call me. Don't text the girl: Call the girl. Even if you no longer want to kiss the girl.
And treat the next girl a little better. Thanks.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
#222
Look, my mom has told me to give up on you. My friends have told me I don't deserve you.
What am I supposed to do? Make my own decisions, right?
I just want to know if you're even interested anymore.
What am I supposed to do? Make my own decisions, right?
I just want to know if you're even interested anymore.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
#221
...
but...
I will always have God so it won't just be me.
That's the only way I can at least kind of figure out how I have a sparkle and a soul.
Someone great and big put it there.
And who's the greatest and biggest? God is.
I don't see how else this could have happened to and within me.
This is no accident. Accidents don't feel so strongly. Maybe nothing is accident; however, you'd have a hard time convincing me of that.
*SKY*
*YOU'RE NOT ALONE*
but...
I will always have God so it won't just be me.
That's the only way I can at least kind of figure out how I have a sparkle and a soul.
Someone great and big put it there.
And who's the greatest and biggest? God is.
I don't see how else this could have happened to and within me.
This is no accident. Accidents don't feel so strongly. Maybe nothing is accident; however, you'd have a hard time convincing me of that.
*SKY*
*YOU'RE NOT ALONE*
#220
I don't understand myself.
I look in the mirror and have no idea how as to how the sparkle in my eye got there.
I can't even begin to imagine how my soul works or my mine or my state of being.
When I look at the mirror I see beauty and a brain that seems to be being wasted.
I don't know how to not waste it.
I see a young lady. I feel like a child.
I'm definitely no woman, no, not yet, but I'm not a little kid anymore. That much is officially for sure.
I can't ever see myself. I won't ever see myself. I will only ever see my own reflection.
In a way, that scares me. I feel like I'm going to miss something...not learn something...never understand something about myself when sometimes myself will be the only thing I'll have.
...
I look in the mirror and have no idea how as to how the sparkle in my eye got there.
I can't even begin to imagine how my soul works or my mine or my state of being.
When I look at the mirror I see beauty and a brain that seems to be being wasted.
I don't know how to not waste it.
I see a young lady. I feel like a child.
I'm definitely no woman, no, not yet, but I'm not a little kid anymore. That much is officially for sure.
I can't ever see myself. I won't ever see myself. I will only ever see my own reflection.
In a way, that scares me. I feel like I'm going to miss something...not learn something...never understand something about myself when sometimes myself will be the only thing I'll have.
...
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
#219
Tomorrow... I will be going to many doctor's appointments. One for a physical in the early morning, one at the orthodontist, one with my therapist, and onnee with a person to get meds to help with my picking?? I guess that's the place mom is having me go to get meds for my anxiety issues. I, personally, didn't think any anxiety that I have is THAT bad and the thought of having to take medicine for it is just making me MORE anxious than I was before!
Picking my skin is NOT JUST BECAUSE OF ANXIETY. IT IS A HABIT.
UGH.
GETTING MEDS FOR ANXIETY IS NOT GOING TO NECESSARILY KEEP ME FROM PICKING MY SKIN.
My goal was to stop picking.
My goal was not to brainwash my brain to keep myself from picking by the course of drugs.
I don't want to have to use external measures forced down my own throat to quit a habit that I could quit by myself.
I guess I just don't want to be dependent on a substance.
I really, really, really, don't want to be dependent on a substance.
Picking my skin is NOT JUST BECAUSE OF ANXIETY. IT IS A HABIT.
UGH.
GETTING MEDS FOR ANXIETY IS NOT GOING TO NECESSARILY KEEP ME FROM PICKING MY SKIN.
My goal was to stop picking.
My goal was not to brainwash my brain to keep myself from picking by the course of drugs.
I don't want to have to use external measures forced down my own throat to quit a habit that I could quit by myself.
I guess I just don't want to be dependent on a substance.
I really, really, really, don't want to be dependent on a substance.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
#216
I wish I had somewhere to go in the morning. I'm tired of sitting around waiting for people to call and I'm tired of calling people myself and getting stuff together but I can't live like this much longer and I HAVE TO get with my friends before I go to Spain and Italy in two weeks or else I'll be halfway miserable... RAWR.
#215
I wish The Gent didn't go to bed so early (as in 10-11pm). I wish I wasn't afraid of bothering him by texting him. I wish I could talk to somebody. Ugh, but I CAN I just WON'T. urgh
Thursday, June 14, 2012
#213
When I share a blog with someone...there's always the fear...that they'll see something they don't like...and it drives them away. Or anything that drives them away. And I love to share, but sometimes it's hard. You know?
Just..thinking about that. Hook is sleeping in my room...and I am on the bed.
And the rest is still unread.
Because it's future, see?
GAH YOU INTERRUPTED MY BEAUTIFUL POETRY.
.. It's okay. :)
It's time to splurge the abnormality.
Irony, no? Exactly. It's not irony.
So so sorry ... This is definitely considerable as randomness..moving along. :)<3kitty
Just..thinking about that. Hook is sleeping in my room...and I am on the bed.
And the rest is still unread.
Because it's future, see?
GAH YOU INTERRUPTED MY BEAUTIFUL POETRY.
.. It's okay. :)
It's time to splurge the abnormality.
Irony, no? Exactly. It's not irony.
So so sorry ... This is definitely considerable as randomness..moving along. :)<3kitty
Monday, May 21, 2012
#209
I'm starting to think I am kind of bipolar.
...
That's what I desired least for in the world. All this time. Especially in relation to the situation.
I never wanted him to be right.
I'm getting to thinking, does it matter? Does it really, really matter that much whether he was right or not?
I feel bad. I feel bad about this...that everyone else is moved on and others have moved into my life and I've still not moved on from that.
But I just wonder.
However, it also makes me wonder if the people who have moved in dislike, or are possibly turned off by, my wondering.
However, I wonder if my wondering is driving these people away...whether they realize it or not.
What?! Am I going to have a mental breakdown when I turn 45?
Why do I feel all this pain and not feel sad and not get depressed? And why do I feel it in short bursts?
I want to get psychoanalyzed. I know it sounds crazy but I want to know what's going on in my head.
I'm not depressed. At least, I don't think I am.
Why am I giddily happy one minute and mad the next?
Is it my environment--at least partially?--or is it just completely, wholly me?
What's wrong? And is there anything wrong?
Am I just paranoid?
I might be.
Do I think to much?
Probably.
Am I providing the correct answers for myself?
How the heck should I know?
....that's why I'm asking... D:
...
That's what I desired least for in the world. All this time. Especially in relation to the situation.
I never wanted him to be right.
I'm getting to thinking, does it matter? Does it really, really matter that much whether he was right or not?
I feel bad. I feel bad about this...that everyone else is moved on and others have moved into my life and I've still not moved on from that.
But I just wonder.
However, it also makes me wonder if the people who have moved in dislike, or are possibly turned off by, my wondering.
However, I wonder if my wondering is driving these people away...whether they realize it or not.
What?! Am I going to have a mental breakdown when I turn 45?
Why do I feel all this pain and not feel sad and not get depressed? And why do I feel it in short bursts?
I want to get psychoanalyzed. I know it sounds crazy but I want to know what's going on in my head.
I'm not depressed. At least, I don't think I am.
Why am I giddily happy one minute and mad the next?
Is it my environment--at least partially?--or is it just completely, wholly me?
What's wrong? And is there anything wrong?
Am I just paranoid?
I might be.
Do I think to much?
Probably.
Am I providing the correct answers for myself?
How the heck should I know?
....that's why I'm asking... D:
#208
She said (and I quote), "I'm starting to wonder what he would do if I got really mad at him? I'm beginning to think that he would just get confused and walk away instead of staying and fighting for me to stay."
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
#207
AAAHHH. Life is beautiful!
AudLange, Mom, Sherlock, Sir Some Guy, I can't even name names because then I'm going to forget somebody. Or I'm just going to go on to sleep because I need to and don't feel like listing everybody.
So the rest of you can go with that I saved the best for last but never got to the last. ;)
AudLange. ^_^. Yay.
AudLange, Mom, Sherlock, Sir Some Guy, I can't even name names because then I'm going to forget somebody. Or I'm just going to go on to sleep because I need to and don't feel like listing everybody.
So the rest of you can go with that I saved the best for last but never got to the last. ;)
AudLange. ^_^. Yay.
#206
Magpie #117
Picture here.
A meal takes place
An empty space
Sitting in a bowl
Sotting and rotting and ceramically whole.
The fruit lays just behind.
Out of reach, not out of mind, for those who care to dare to sit
At this meal
And then,
Comes the decision
"the sun goes down
the stars go out"
Reach for the fruit, unforbidden,
Though still daunting
Simply, inexplicably because there's a choice
And there never was one before,
Just maybe,
Our "universe will never be the same"
Or we could just leave and wait
Wait
For someone to decide instead
Or to place it within a reaching point.
Magpie Tales
Picture here.
A meal takes place
An empty space
Sitting in a bowl
Sotting and rotting and ceramically whole.
The fruit lays just behind.
Out of reach, not out of mind, for those who care to dare to sit
At this meal
And then,
Comes the decision
"the sun goes down
the stars go out"
Reach for the fruit, unforbidden,
Though still daunting
Simply, inexplicably because there's a choice
And there never was one before,
Just maybe,
Our "universe will never be the same"
Or we could just leave and wait
Wait
For someone to decide instead
Or to place it within a reaching point.
Magpie Tales
#205
And by the way... Puppy came back. As did Hook although you never knew he was gone.
I never told you.
Unless you have Facebook... And are my friend on Facebook...
I must go before this gets too close to randomness!
I'm glad you came.. :)
I never told you.
Unless you have Facebook... And are my friend on Facebook...
I must go before this gets too close to randomness!
I'm glad you came.. :)
#204
"The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want..."
Shit! I'm supposed to be at Chamber Singers practice.
"He maketh me lie down in green pastures..."
I can't believe I forgot!
"He leadeth me besideth still waters.."
It started a whole freaking hour ago.
"He restoreth my soul..."
I hope they don't get mad at me.
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..."
Okay, I'm not worried about the teachers. But what if I get in trouble with my student leader?
"I will fear no evil..."
That would be an awful way to start out the year. I can't believe I forgot. I'm so stupid.
"For thou art with me..."
But maybe they'll cut me some slack since its only my first practice.
"Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me..."
And I'm only a freshman.
"Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies..."
Oh, but the best conversations with a friend are the ones during which you tell your most personal ways of being. And the ones you can't figure out by yourself, you figure out together.
"Thou anointest my head with oil..."
Because the best thing I want for you is for you to be truly happy and truly you.
"My cup overfloweth..."
However, do remember that you can never do anything to be any more you.
"Surely goodness and mercy will follow me..."
I have to tell you that tomorrow.
"All the days of my life..."
I guess I don't have to, but I want to some day soon.
"And I will live in the house of the Lord forever."
And we'll all be okay, you know.
Shit! I'm supposed to be at Chamber Singers practice.
"He maketh me lie down in green pastures..."
I can't believe I forgot!
"He leadeth me besideth still waters.."
It started a whole freaking hour ago.
"He restoreth my soul..."
I hope they don't get mad at me.
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..."
Okay, I'm not worried about the teachers. But what if I get in trouble with my student leader?
"I will fear no evil..."
That would be an awful way to start out the year. I can't believe I forgot. I'm so stupid.
"For thou art with me..."
But maybe they'll cut me some slack since its only my first practice.
"Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me..."
And I'm only a freshman.
"Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies..."
Oh, but the best conversations with a friend are the ones during which you tell your most personal ways of being. And the ones you can't figure out by yourself, you figure out together.
"Thou anointest my head with oil..."
Because the best thing I want for you is for you to be truly happy and truly you.
"My cup overfloweth..."
However, do remember that you can never do anything to be any more you.
"Surely goodness and mercy will follow me..."
I have to tell you that tomorrow.
"All the days of my life..."
I guess I don't have to, but I want to some day soon.
"And I will live in the house of the Lord forever."
And we'll all be okay, you know.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
#203
I kinda don't want to leave my room now, for fear that Puppy will never again appear to me...
But like I said, I'm going to take this distress out on my painting.
I can feel the artistic, energetic juices flowing already. So i must do my science, get it done in these next ten minutes, pray a little more, and finish that project in the next two hours or so.
Then I will take a bath and dare to keep moving although I will still give myself time to grieve the loss of Puppy.
I guess I don't know for sure if she's really gone or not, but I just have this feeling.
But like I said, I'm going to take this distress out on my painting.
I can feel the artistic, energetic juices flowing already. So i must do my science, get it done in these next ten minutes, pray a little more, and finish that project in the next two hours or so.
Then I will take a bath and dare to keep moving although I will still give myself time to grieve the loss of Puppy.
I guess I don't know for sure if she's really gone or not, but I just have this feeling.
#202
Dear God,
Please protect Puppy. I see that she is gone. I regret! I regret so much that we didn't go ahead and find her a home because at least then I'd see her again! I am so disappointed in myself! I wish she had stayed. I still have a little hope that she will come back or that she's not really gone, but I bet she followed the air-conditioner-fixer guy out of the gate and down the road and I bet he didn't see her.
I ask, please! Please don't let her get run over or starve in the woods!
I love Puppy! And I'm going to miss her.
If we had given her away... I at least would have known that she was in good hands and being treated well.
Her food and water bowls are still on the porch and the door is open so it's as if she was never there. The sun is setting and she is gone and we have no idea where she is. And now I'm scared. I'm scared and sad and angry.
I think I will take my anger out on my drawing/painting of my pig head, the Lord of the Flies, for the Lord of the Flies project for English since it's supposed to be so gruesome and dark anyways.
I wish I had taken more pictures of her. I regret not giving her another bath.
I regret not being able to sit outside with her again. I regret not being able to take the time to let her lick me all over and cover me in that slightly gross, but comforting layer of saliva and even let her lick me in the mouth. When she licks me in the mouth is disgusting...but it's also pretty funny and kinda cute.
I really miss her! And I won't be okay about it for a while I think. But maybe I'll eventually come to accept it. Until then, please hear my prayer, God. I know you will. I just hope she comes back.
Love,
Kitty.
Dear Puppy,
I miss you! I hope you are okay! I hope so much that someone found you who can take better care of you than we could! I really hope that you weren't run over or that you're lost in the woods!
I really do love you. And I know you love me too. I miss you now!
You were so good... You know... For being an untrained puppy and all.
I'm going to miss you a lot! I think Hook will get old again. You were like his fountain of youth, but, I mean, he is an old dog. Maybe one day I will find you. I think I'll eventually see you again. I do believe Heaven will have you in it.
Until I see you when I see you or until I withhold this strong grip on the desire to write you again, take care of yourself and stay safe, okay?
I love you, you adorable, wonderful little puppy. And I also regret not seeing you grow.
Love love love,
Kelsey
Please protect Puppy. I see that she is gone. I regret! I regret so much that we didn't go ahead and find her a home because at least then I'd see her again! I am so disappointed in myself! I wish she had stayed. I still have a little hope that she will come back or that she's not really gone, but I bet she followed the air-conditioner-fixer guy out of the gate and down the road and I bet he didn't see her.
I ask, please! Please don't let her get run over or starve in the woods!
I love Puppy! And I'm going to miss her.
If we had given her away... I at least would have known that she was in good hands and being treated well.
Her food and water bowls are still on the porch and the door is open so it's as if she was never there. The sun is setting and she is gone and we have no idea where she is. And now I'm scared. I'm scared and sad and angry.
I think I will take my anger out on my drawing/painting of my pig head, the Lord of the Flies, for the Lord of the Flies project for English since it's supposed to be so gruesome and dark anyways.
I wish I had taken more pictures of her. I regret not giving her another bath.
I regret not being able to sit outside with her again. I regret not being able to take the time to let her lick me all over and cover me in that slightly gross, but comforting layer of saliva and even let her lick me in the mouth. When she licks me in the mouth is disgusting...but it's also pretty funny and kinda cute.
I really miss her! And I won't be okay about it for a while I think. But maybe I'll eventually come to accept it. Until then, please hear my prayer, God. I know you will. I just hope she comes back.
Love,
Kitty.
Dear Puppy,
I miss you! I hope you are okay! I hope so much that someone found you who can take better care of you than we could! I really hope that you weren't run over or that you're lost in the woods!
I really do love you. And I know you love me too. I miss you now!
You were so good... You know... For being an untrained puppy and all.
I'm going to miss you a lot! I think Hook will get old again. You were like his fountain of youth, but, I mean, he is an old dog. Maybe one day I will find you. I think I'll eventually see you again. I do believe Heaven will have you in it.
Until I see you when I see you or until I withhold this strong grip on the desire to write you again, take care of yourself and stay safe, okay?
I love you, you adorable, wonderful little puppy. And I also regret not seeing you grow.
Love love love,
Kelsey
Saturday, April 14, 2012
#195
I really just don't want to listen to this right now. You know? I don't want to listen to the threats and the booming voices that yell. I just want to get my homework done and get to sleep and maybe talk to my boyfriend. I just want to be content tonight. I don't even want to try to make it better. But it's okay, see? Because it's gone now and I didn't even have to try to make it better. It just...went away...
Sunday, April 8, 2012
#194
I get scared pretty easily. As you can see in #162, # 192, #193, and many others.
I mean, not THAT easily. Not as easily as Sybil (thank God), but pretty easily.
Then again, I guess everyone does. Or a lot of people. Much of el población, sí?
Yeah. Definitely.
I'm not a scared person though. I don't want anyone I ever know to be as scared as Sybil because that would scare me too.
:( and then we'd all be scared.
But it's okay because none of us are like that. We're just insecure and confident and insecure at the same time and it kinda works out but it kinda doesn't.
I love myself, believe me. But I can get pretty insecure.
Take my hand, dears. Maybe we can be insecure together and then we won't be.
I mean, not THAT easily. Not as easily as Sybil (thank God), but pretty easily.
Then again, I guess everyone does. Or a lot of people. Much of el población, sí?
Yeah. Definitely.
I'm not a scared person though. I don't want anyone I ever know to be as scared as Sybil because that would scare me too.
:( and then we'd all be scared.
But it's okay because none of us are like that. We're just insecure and confident and insecure at the same time and it kinda works out but it kinda doesn't.
I love myself, believe me. But I can get pretty insecure.
Take my hand, dears. Maybe we can be insecure together and then we won't be.
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