#219

Tomorrow... I will be going to many doctor's appointments. One for a physical in the early morning, one at the orthodontist, one with my therapist, and onnee with a person to get meds to help with my picking?? I guess that's the place mom is having me go to get meds for my anxiety issues. I, personally, didn't think any anxiety that I have is THAT bad and the thought of having to take medicine for it is just making me MORE anxious than I was before!
Picking my skin is NOT JUST BECAUSE OF ANXIETY. IT IS A HABIT.

UGH.

GETTING MEDS FOR ANXIETY IS NOT GOING TO NECESSARILY KEEP ME FROM PICKING MY SKIN.

My goal was to stop picking.
My goal was not to brainwash my brain to keep myself from picking by the course of drugs.

I don't want to have to use external measures forced down my own throat to quit a habit that I could quit by myself.

I guess I just don't want to be dependent on a substance.
I really, really, really, don't want to be dependent on a substance.

#216

I wish I had somewhere to go in the morning. I'm tired of sitting around waiting for people to call and I'm tired of calling people myself and getting stuff together but I can't live like this much longer and I HAVE TO get with my friends before I go to Spain and Italy in two weeks or else I'll be halfway miserable... RAWR.

#208

She said (and I quote), "I'm starting to wonder what he would do if I got really mad at him? I'm beginning to think that he would just get confused and walk away instead of staying and fighting for me to stay."

#112

Okay. Great.

Now I'm really stressed!

what a great way to feel about your first high school dance, right?

You know that picture of an anime girl right at the top of the page?

Yeah, that's what I look like right now.

Only not crying yet.

Yeah, that's what I look like on the inside right now.

Right this second, I wish I could just go back to middle school where I didn't know all these people. Back to 8th grade. When relationships weren't so complicated and scary.

Maybe I just wish Holmes would come back.
That's one thing, definitely.

But not the majority.

#84

Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.

I just had another tiny panic attack.