2 B-long N thz WORLD: September 2010

Sunday, September 26, 2010

I wanna get to know somebody who's the opposite of me, someone I wouldn't usually get to know.
I wanna dance in the rain.
I wanna feel no pain.

Instead of goin' insane, right here by your side.
I'd rather be in the storm.
I'd rather be cold, alone, than warm, right here by your side.
I've gotta find where I belong.
I ain't gonna find that here, right here by your side.

This is stupid...
How they cuss.
Too bad I'm just not good enough.
I gotta get out of their way, before they run me down and over, right here by your side.
Oh, but they won't touch you!
Oh, but they just can't!
You're too good!
You're too neat!
You're too cool!
Ha!
I could drool.
Too bad she doesn't drool over your fancy-shmancy new hair cut.
Or your hottie-tottie new phone.
Or your cutsie-patootsie new accent.
Or the way you run...
I don't know.

Don't know much anymore.
But I'm runnin'.
When I'm runnin' I try not to feel.
The segments are all comin' back to me.
And I try not to let it feel real.

It's all comin' back to me now.
Like, touché, deja vu, oh my gawd.
I wanna touch, wanna smell, wanna start over new.

But not here, right here by your side.

#50

aaaahhhhh... rain

#49

my morning has been like moldy cake.

It seems really sweet until you look closer and notice the fuzzy, gray hairs growing in clumps...
and then it's just moldy...and used-to-be sweet.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

#48

But you know what DOESN'T give me hope?

ADDICTION.

THAT doesn't give me hope.

The people that go for help for their addiction...and the people at IDAA...the addicts...or recovering addicts....THEY don't even give me hope anymore.

...

...
I guess that's what happens when your dad relapses.

And, no, I don't care if he comes back. I'm going to put that out there right now. I don't care. At this point, I. Just. Don't. Care.

Friday, September 24, 2010

#47

I'm gonna buy that song:

Sky Blue Sky

my list of HOPE

Also my message that I left for Sir Some Guy, my boyfriend up until today for the past eight months. EIGHT. MONTHS. WOW. I am so proud. I feel so blessed. That was an amazing eight months. Oh my gosh. Oh my goo. All the thanks in the world to my ex for making that such a wonderful relationship. I learned and grew so much. And now I can say that I survived even the most tragic parts as well. (11/6/12)
The song is Soldiers by Gavin DeGraw (11/6/12)
My Soldiers. A song I think will keep me going right now during this immediate (and longer-term) post-relationship time for me... My Soldiers, which equals all of my friends, and my God, my faith. Special shout out to Chappers, Lexbri, and Sherlock. (11/6/12. 11:39 pm)
AudLange. ^_^. Yay. And she likes my poems. Yay. ^_^. (5/15/12)
Summer (3/28/12). The idea of it...just gives me hope. And mostly the part of being home and not the part of swim...
It's okay to be depressed. (from #157) (3/6/12)
That someone will read #162. Someone who has been on here before, be it a person in my direct life or someone I have only met on here. I'm even considering sharing it to people outside my blog. I wonder if they'd know it was me speaking? (3/5/12)
And that he was so calm and serious, but still smiling and seemingly enjoying himself when we spoke. (2/26/12)
That Holmes would be a friend and sit next to me in English just because I only wanted him to read my paragraph about Dermatillomania. Not that he's never a friend otherwise, it was just nice to seem him completely calm and serious. (2/17/12)
Bisael and her drawing. And our conversation last night. Oh my goo. With leafcloud and supercrazygamegeek. That was awesome. We should have another talk like that. I love you all. <3 (2/17/12)
The grin that I half almost saw on your (Chappers?) face. Hardly gives a hope. But still gives a little. (2/6/12)
My boyfriend. :DDDD (2/5/12>>since yesterday or the day before I guess...though ^_^)
When i make a masterpiece. .... .... wow.... (1/26/12)
Breathe In, Breathe Out by Mat Kearney (1/26/12) and that I'm content and that you are strong and that you will be okay. I know you will there is a light in your eyes. Don't Forget.
That my first hope of 2012 is who it is. That's awesome. (1/15/12)
He's...he's...he's like a lifeline. (1/15/12)
Ojála (29-11-11)
Because you say, "I care." I have hope. 11/1/11. 7:27 pm
that my past-world-self is still obvious in my world, , , , TODAY and still TODAY AS YOU READ THIS TODAY. 10/29/11
Nangeese (sorry, it's my obligation to give everyone a nickname on here. ^_^) and her sister...Judes. 10/26/11
That A Town would actually pull over getting off the interstate to take me to XC practice so I wouldn't be late. And that it wasn't awkward. 10/26/11
OMGOO! I KNOW someone who used to attend TAABC school! Seriously? Seriously! That totally makes me happy. I totally wanted to meet a guy from there.
The All-American Boy Choir. Gosh, they just fascinate me.
Joe (as in Coach) went with the Lord to Heaven on Easter Sunday. Even though I never knew him, that's still a kind of a sort of a sad hope. 4/24/11
seeing how far I've come since I started this blog. 3/11/11 (started it on 3/8/10) Please, just go look at the beginning, and you will see how far I have come. Let's see how far we've come. Let's see how far we've come.
Bob Perks and his little pieces of wisdom that he sends out 3 times a week to those who ask for it
And realizing the thing below. That's THE best feeling. Or one of them anyway. 11/9/10
wow. being able to love the person who gouged your heart out the year before. to be able to love that person as a person like you did before everything happened...wow. 11/9/10
ahhhh. rain.
Coach Joe's daughter, Claire, and her becoming homecoming queen! <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
COACH JOE!! <3<3<3<3<3<3<3
taking your white spartan cap last night and putting it on my head (9/25/10) and the fact that you let me wear it if only for a minute
MY EVERYTHINGS!!
my BFFF ... isn't that what you said last night?? (9/25/10)
Mr. Cake...oh wait,..I said that already
singing people...even when they're annoying to everyone else
THE GIVER!! (book & person)
Gabe in the Giver
the feeling of hope
Elphaba's sister
TOTO!!
Elphaba
pretty little movies like THE WIZARD OF OZ
people who stay happy even when they know their life is going to change drastically, especially when they don't want it to, and ESPECIALLY when they are VERY EXTREMELY loved
EemeewiiTH (?)/MLee (11/9/10)/Uhuh (11/9/10)
birdsong in the spring
sighs
clean rap
tears
comas themselves for they are a second chance at life
the "We Are The World" music video where you can see how far we've come from all sorts of discrimination and how we ARE the world and there's nothing better than seeing those Haiti kids dancing and sitting and singing and leaping and running and playing and smiling and laughing and healing and growing and you just KNOW that Haitians must be the strongest people on the face of the Earth
TRC
people who come out of comas
The Hill (not the TV show) (a person--a friend--not a great one but still, a friend)
Mozart's Sonatas
the whole shebang of "If I Stay"
Jonas in The Giver
new born babies
Mr. Cake
when, like, six 6th graders pull you into a giant hug as you're going into lunch and Bisael has to come back looking for you (4/13/10)
the whole "Crazy H" thing @ track (4/14/10)
That Holmes would be a friend and sit next to me in English just because I only wanted him to read my paragraph about Dermatillomania. Not that he's never a friend otherwise, it was just nice to seem him completely calm and serious. (2/17/12)
Bisael and her drawing. And our conversation last night. Oh my goo. With leafcloud and supercrazygamegeek. That was awesome. We should have another talk like that. I love you all. <3 (2/17/12)