#211

I'm not even 100% positive as to why I'm trying to find my phone.
It's not like he will have texted me back.

I FEEL LIKE SHIT.

#210

I just finished watching that movie that ABC FAMILY made last year... Cyberbully. With Emily Osment in it.
From the first climax on, (won't share for spoiler reasons) I cried for the next ten minutes straight and the rest of the movie on and off...
I'm not being bullied...but I'm being hurt.
And things hit home.

My shirt is covered in snot from the top of my chest to my belly button
In a sort of a "v" shape
The ends of my hair, where they rested in the current of snot and drool pouring out of me and down the path of my shirt, are sticky. And wet.
My right arm, where it rested over my abdomen, is also covered in a layer of sticky saliva. And snot.
My hand, it kept clutching my side as I sobbed and sobbed and cried.
I don't think you understand.
But I felt her pain when she said she didn't see a reason to even try anymore. I don't want to kill myself. I just want this to be over.
I don't want to be without you, my dear boyfriend, but I can't do this like this much longer.
Demi is right: I have to give my heart a break.
Or, well, no, that's me that's right..
I'm shaking.
My chest feels like its getting chapped from the wet laying on it for so long.
I am not bothering to take this shirt off.
WILL YOU JUST BE ANOTHER WHO IS SORRY BUT LEAVES ANYWAYS?
YOU AREN'T WORTH IT THEN! IF THAT'S THE CASE YOU AREN'T WORTH IT.
But it wouldn't even matter if that was the case... Because you'd already be gone like the LAST GUY.
The snot and drool has soaked through my shirt and is subsiding on a thick layer on both sides of my shirt.
This too gross for you?
Go find something else to read. Something happy and sweet that won't bother you then.
If this is too much for you, that's sad.
That's really really sad.
You know what else is really really sad?
This is too much for me.
But at least I can handle my own words.
I love him.
But I love myself too...
I just want to find my phone so I can call you and hear your voice and hang up.
...

#182

I've been writing in my horse book.
At least ... I was last night. My iPad died.

----

One of the best ways to fall asleep is waiting for someone you really care about to text you back, knowing that they're there and it's coming any second now. What a content slumber.
You fall asleep. Since you're asleep, you lose track of time. Since you lose track of time, you don't realize it's been hours since you received the text message. Or maybe you subconsciously know that you received the text message but you were too tired to wake up to it. So you're happy.
And then when you DO wake up, you find the text. And you feel bad for falling asleep ... Except for the fact that it was so late in the first place. But you don't feel bad for too long because then you realize all of this and you realize that you really missed him.
But even though you missed him you're okay.

It was okay.

And now! As you listen to that song you love...you think of everything you've dared TO MOVE through in this past however long it's been. And it makes you so happy.
So you just gotta tell yourself to keep daring TO MOVE.

Because it's going to be okay.

You're going to miss, love, lose, share, and wonder about people, and it's all going to be okay. I promise.

Wow. When you sleep...years can pass by. But you wake up and you're right there 'where you fell'.
'Salvation is here'.

Off to eat bacon now. <3Kitty
I'm still daring you to move. Lift yourself up off that floor, babe. And live your life..if nothing else ... For me. Because I can't [live your life].

#176

I love my friends. No matter what, I love my friends even if I get annoyed with them sometimes.

I know I say that a lot. But if something happened to me tonight or something, I just don't want my friends to think that even if I seem a little annoyed that I went to sleep pissed at them. I didn't. I won't.

#165

Oh dear Lord. So help me, God.

Gaaaaaahhhh

#138

YEEEESSSSSSSS!! HEY GUESS WHAT GUYS???!!

Singkittyle000 is not a single kitty anymore!!!! :)))

Hey.. Remember that time a girl's heart got broken and she decided to make a blog to help her get through her depression? And remember that time a girl was crying on the inside and wished somebody would notice? And remember that time a girl felt so alone that she couldn't find a place to turn to? But remember that time that a girl found people who cared on this very blog? And remember when she grew and grew and became happy again?
Remember when that girl wondered if she would ever have a crush on somebody again? Maybe not, because she didn't tell you.
But remember when a girl was well into 3 months after a relationship had ended and still wasn't completely broken off from it?
But remember when she woke up from that dream and she was over it? Remember when she woke up and sat straight up and said she was done?

Remember when this school year started and she met these AMAZING friends--guys and girls--that she absotootenly loves? And remember when she loved all the guys, but not in an intimate sort of way? She does. And she still loves them. And the girls, of course. But my brother has a point that can be argued: Boys are more entertaining than girls. I'm not agreeing and I'm not disagreeing. Just sayin'.

Remember when she met people and met people and made friends and had little crushes on people she met? Remember when she met a guy at a band gig where she was taking pictures for a friend of the family?
Remember when she had that awesome New Year's Eve night? Well she saw that guy there too. And he gave her his number. And, no, she didn't have a crush on him then, but he must have liked her that way at least a little.

Remember when she started texted him everyday? Well, no, I don't think you do. Because she didn't tell you. But she did.

Remember when this girl, right here, was absolutely heartbroken? Do you remember that? I do. I do I do I do I do. Remember when she was scared all those times? And not just because of a guy.

Remember when this girl realized she was hurting herself when she pulled at her skin? Remember when she began to grow ashamed of it? Remember when she couldn't walk on her heels and had to walk only on the balls of her feet because it hurt so bad otherwise? Remember when she taught herself to walk on them anyways? Remember when she had to run like that? Remember when she got warts on her hands and picked at them until they bled? Remember that one time in chapel this year when she picked at the one on her palm so much it started bleeding all over the place and she hid it in her sweatshirt sleeve and prayed to God that nobody would notice? And it was all over her hand?
Remember a few months ago when she picked so much at her lips that the blood was all over her forefinger and her thumb and all over her mouth and she looked like a vampire? Remember when she prayed that nobody would walk in on her while she was cleaning up?

Remember that moment when she was really ashamed for not stopping herself? Remember when she was scared? Gosh, she's scared right now for someone to see this. But remember when she decided not to be ashamed anymore? I do. I do!
That sucked, what she did to herself. But remember when she talked to that awesome girl who felt like she was alone? And rememb when she... Oh my gosh.

Remember when she broke her friends' hearts? Remember that? This year and two years ago? Remember that? But remember when we all moved on? I do! And even if all of you haven't moved on yet, there will be a girl out there who loves you more than I ever could.

Remember when .... When. When I had boyfriend?

Do you remember that?

Haha, I do. :)

Oh, and this girl knows something that you don't remember. ;)
You don't remember because she hasn't told you yet.

I remember when I got a boyfriend in 2012.

I was right guys! This is the party year!
I have so many reasons to party haha!
Yesss I am so excited! It took 2 years to get here. But I think this is the most excited I've been in a verrrryyyy long time. <3

#130

I CAN STILL HEAR YOU WHEN YOU CUSS UNDER YOUR BREATH, YOU KNOW!

DUHHHH.

#128

My heart hurts,,,
And so does my tummy...
And I just really miss you.

#116

Dear Friend,

Dear-friend. Fwiendy fwiend. I'm so lucky to have you, guy friend.

I may need to get out of my habit of dreaming what isn't there. But right now, I have a whole load of faith in you.

I don't think you'll break my heart too soon. I sure hope not.

If you ever see any of this you might think I'm paranoid. I just might be.

Maybe im just scared. I know I am scared. Maybe I'm just and only scared though.

I forgot where I was going with this earlier.

But this is where I went with it now.

Love,
Kitty

But you don't know me by that name.

#112

Okay. Great.

Now I'm really stressed!

what a great way to feel about your first high school dance, right?

You know that picture of an anime girl right at the top of the page?

Yeah, that's what I look like right now.

Only not crying yet.

Yeah, that's what I look like on the inside right now.

Right this second, I wish I could just go back to middle school where I didn't know all these people. Back to 8th grade. When relationships weren't so complicated and scary.

Maybe I just wish Holmes would come back.
That's one thing, definitely.

But not the majority.

#103

But if I asked you to pray for me, it would be because right now I feel just politely subdued and kind of nothing else.