2 B-long N thz WORLD

Friday, November 12, 2010

#55

I know where I belong. I belong in this school. This life. These people. My peers are my friends. My teachers are my mentors. The only thing that is a little scary is the Upper School, but it won't be for long. Next year, it won't be scary anymore. And I will be able to walk the halls with my head held high with all the people in them. But no, maybe I will be able to do that this year too. And today.

Today has been such a great day.

Thanks to:

1) Uhuh/MLee
2) staring at earlobes
3) pledging allegience to two American flags in the morning (I pledge allegience to...oh my gosh! There's two flags!--it was funnier when we were talking about it)
4) laughing your head off for no reason...except because it's funny
5) leelee's crackers
6) cemetaries, sedimentary, PEHnguins, dancing penguins, and a smiling face of someone you love.
7) that grade is coming home.

And penguins can't get hot because they're penguins! And it's cold down there. And thinking this through.
That's a different story for a different day.
When the plane saved the day.

Love. Peaches. Chicken Greases. Rock On Foozsh!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

#54

My most recent addition on my list of HOPE is this realization that I actually love a certain person as a person, a human being, with feelings, the way I try to love everyone. This isn't lovey-dovey, and mushy-gushy love...or the love/lust thing with your significant other. Or the plain ol' innocent love with that special person! This is loving someone because they are a person...and a human being with feelings...and because this is the way God wants us to be. He wants us to love everyone.
And I finally don't see this person as an annoying substance! Okay, I never did, but I'm trying to say that I'm actually back to the point I was at before this whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing happened. I realized, today, that I have the same feeling I had towards him (omgoo it's a him! I bet you were trying to figure that out ^_^) BEFORE WAY BEFORE I started having the slightest feelings of a maybe crush.

THIS FEELING IS AMAZING!
I have toastly come FULL CIRCLE!
Yes! Scarbs! Everything comes full circle, and I just had an EUREKA! because my life...my life just did...it came full circle.

And it feels amazing. One of the best feelings I've had in a LONG LONG time.

Thanks for listening. Thanks for waiting. I'm sorry I made you all wait a whole month for another post...
October was very busy. And the computer wasn't always availible. That's because Ms. Bieber was at my house. ^_^
More on that later.
<3kitty

#53

I do care. I do want him to come home. But as I told him two weeks ago, I don't want him coming back until he won't do it again. I don't want you to come back, Dad, until you will never ever EVER EVER relapse again!! But...the thing that scares me is that...what if you never come back? What if you never come back? It's not like there's a scanner they put you through and it all of a sudden says, "You will never relapse again". And that scares me. Because then you would never come back.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

#52

Nobody ever grows unless there's pain.

#51

I wanna get to know somebody who's the opposite of me, someone I wouldn't usually get to know.
I wanna dance in the rain.
I wanna feel no pain.

Instead of goin' insane, right here by your side.
I'd rather be in the storm.
I'd rather be cold, alone, than warm, right here by your side.
I've gotta find where I belong.
I ain't gonna find that here, right here by your side.

This is stupid...
How they cuss.
Too bad I'm just not good enough.
I gotta get out of their way, before they run me down and over, right here by your side.
Oh, but they won't touch you!
Oh, but they just can't!
You're too good!
You're too neat!
You're too cool!
Ha!
I could drool.
Too bad she doesn't drool over your fancy-shmancy new hair cut.
Or your hottie-tottie new phone.
Or your cutsie-patootsie new accent.
Or the way you run...
I don't know.

Don't know much anymore.
But I'm runnin'.
When I'm runnin' I try not to feel.
The segments are all comin' back to me.
And I try not to let it feel real.

It's all comin' back to me now.
Like, touché, deja vu, oh my gawd.
I wanna touch, wanna smell, wanna start over new.

But not here, right here by your side.

#50

aaaahhhhh... rain

#49

my morning has been like moldy cake.

It seems really sweet until you look closer and notice the fuzzy, gray hairs growing in clumps...
and then it's just moldy...and used-to-be sweet.

my list of HOPE

Also my message that I left for Sir Some Guy, my boyfriend up until today for the past eight months. EIGHT. MONTHS. WOW. I am so proud. I feel so blessed. That was an amazing eight months. Oh my gosh. Oh my goo. All the thanks in the world to my ex for making that such a wonderful relationship. I learned and grew so much. And now I can say that I survived even the most tragic parts as well. (11/6/12)
The song is Soldiers by Gavin DeGraw (11/6/12)
My Soldiers. A song I think will keep me going right now during this immediate (and longer-term) post-relationship time for me... My Soldiers, which equals all of my friends, and my God, my faith. Special shout out to Chappers, Lexbri, and Sherlock. (11/6/12. 11:39 pm)
AudLange. ^_^. Yay. And she likes my poems. Yay. ^_^. (5/15/12)
Summer (3/28/12). The idea of it...just gives me hope. And mostly the part of being home and not the part of swim...
It's okay to be depressed. (from #157) (3/6/12)
That someone will read #162. Someone who has been on here before, be it a person in my direct life or someone I have only met on here. I'm even considering sharing it to people outside my blog. I wonder if they'd know it was me speaking? (3/5/12)
And that he was so calm and serious, but still smiling and seemingly enjoying himself when we spoke. (2/26/12)
That Holmes would be a friend and sit next to me in English just because I only wanted him to read my paragraph about Dermatillomania. Not that he's never a friend otherwise, it was just nice to seem him completely calm and serious. (2/17/12)
Bisael and her drawing. And our conversation last night. Oh my goo. With leafcloud and supercrazygamegeek. That was awesome. We should have another talk like that. I love you all. <3 (2/17/12)
The grin that I half almost saw on your (Chappers?) face. Hardly gives a hope. But still gives a little. (2/6/12)
My boyfriend. :DDDD (2/5/12>>since yesterday or the day before I guess...though ^_^)
When i make a masterpiece. .... .... wow.... (1/26/12)
Breathe In, Breathe Out by Mat Kearney (1/26/12) and that I'm content and that you are strong and that you will be okay. I know you will there is a light in your eyes. Don't Forget.
That my first hope of 2012 is who it is. That's awesome. (1/15/12)
He's...he's...he's like a lifeline. (1/15/12)
Ojála (29-11-11)
Because you say, "I care." I have hope. 11/1/11. 7:27 pm
that my past-world-self is still obvious in my world, , , , TODAY and still TODAY AS YOU READ THIS TODAY. 10/29/11
Nangeese (sorry, it's my obligation to give everyone a nickname on here. ^_^) and her sister...Judes. 10/26/11
That A Town would actually pull over getting off the interstate to take me to XC practice so I wouldn't be late. And that it wasn't awkward. 10/26/11
OMGOO! I KNOW someone who used to attend TAABC school! Seriously? Seriously! That totally makes me happy. I totally wanted to meet a guy from there.
The All-American Boy Choir. Gosh, they just fascinate me.
Joe (as in Coach) went with the Lord to Heaven on Easter Sunday. Even though I never knew him, that's still a kind of a sort of a sad hope. 4/24/11
seeing how far I've come since I started this blog. 3/11/11 (started it on 3/8/10) Please, just go look at the beginning, and you will see how far I have come. Let's see how far we've come. Let's see how far we've come.
Bob Perks and his little pieces of wisdom that he sends out 3 times a week to those who ask for it
And realizing the thing below. That's THE best feeling. Or one of them anyway. 11/9/10
wow. being able to love the person who gouged your heart out the year before. to be able to love that person as a person like you did before everything happened...wow. 11/9/10
ahhhh. rain.
Coach Joe's daughter, Claire, and her becoming homecoming queen! <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
COACH JOE!! <3<3<3<3<3<3<3
taking your white spartan cap last night and putting it on my head (9/25/10) and the fact that you let me wear it if only for a minute
MY EVERYTHINGS!!
my BFFF ... isn't that what you said last night?? (9/25/10)
Mr. Cake...oh wait,..I said that already
singing people...even when they're annoying to everyone else
THE GIVER!! (book & person)
Gabe in the Giver
the feeling of hope
Elphaba's sister
TOTO!!
Elphaba
pretty little movies like THE WIZARD OF OZ
people who stay happy even when they know their life is going to change drastically, especially when they don't want it to, and ESPECIALLY when they are VERY EXTREMELY loved
EemeewiiTH (?)/MLee (11/9/10)/Uhuh (11/9/10)
birdsong in the spring
sighs
clean rap
tears
comas themselves for they are a second chance at life
the "We Are The World" music video where you can see how far we've come from all sorts of discrimination and how we ARE the world and there's nothing better than seeing those Haiti kids dancing and sitting and singing and leaping and running and playing and smiling and laughing and healing and growing and you just KNOW that Haitians must be the strongest people on the face of the Earth
TRC
people who come out of comas
The Hill (not the TV show) (a person--a friend--not a great one but still, a friend)
Mozart's Sonatas
the whole shebang of "If I Stay"
Jonas in The Giver
new born babies
Mr. Cake
when, like, six 6th graders pull you into a giant hug as you're going into lunch and Bisael has to come back looking for you (4/13/10)
the whole "Crazy H" thing @ track (4/14/10)
That Holmes would be a friend and sit next to me in English just because I only wanted him to read my paragraph about Dermatillomania. Not that he's never a friend otherwise, it was just nice to seem him completely calm and serious. (2/17/12)
Bisael and her drawing. And our conversation last night. Oh my goo. With leafcloud and supercrazygamegeek. That was awesome. We should have another talk like that. I love you all. <3 (2/17/12)